The Prom

Its been a long time; since Prom I mean, but its sort of been a concept/analogy thrown around a bit lately. let me explain.

One of my colleagues who is faculty, but works in our department, values loyalty greatly. Recently he read The Last Lecture and found a quote within that book that epitomized this for him; "Dance with the one who brung you". For him, this means, if you go to the prom or dance with someone they should be the one you dance with, not others; You should be loyal to them. Now, on face value, I get this. However, I challenged him today and said, but what if everyone else at Prom helped pay for your ticket? Don't you also have an obligation to dance with them? He told me I can talk to others, mingle, but he gets to dance with me and take me in the back seat because he drove me there. I told him, a corvette doesn't have a back seat. ;) Be that as it may, my point was, while I understand being loyal and I think there is value in that, one also needs to recognize that people have many loyalties, which I think I've had to "juggle" quite frequently lately as a "middle-manager"

A supervisor and friend indicated to me today that myself and collegaues in my same position seem to be doing more complaining and a clear message of malcontent (my word, not their's) is being received. In all honesty, I think she's right. I don't know if I would describe it as complaining, but do I think we're voicing our malcontent more? Yup, I do. But, I think its because the heels we wore to prom just aren't ones that were made for dancing non-stop, all night, with everyone at prom because one of them brought us, but the others who paid for our ticket, also refuse to not get in their one slow dance with us. I mean, #1, there are only a certain number of slow dances the DJ plays during prom right? and the reality is, prom always flies by and there's still not enough time to "dance with the one (AND ONES) who brung you" and so you need to prioritize. Maybe you say, okay, well, you brung me, so I'll save the last dance for you, but I need to dance these other dances with the ones who paid my ticket. Or maybe, you can let the ones who help pay your ticket have the slow dances, BUT then you also need to dance the fast dances with others too.

The clincher here? I want the fast dances to be for my friends. I want time in-between dances that really matter to go to the bathroom with the girls, touch up my make-up, pee for Heaven's sake, and catch up on who's going to hook up with who (yes, I realize by that phrase I'm dating myself!). But when everyone's version of "who brung you" is different, then that means you have a number of people who expect dances from you. You put some off, you dance with some, the one who brung you in the car now REALLY wants you in the back seat and frankly, even if you want to go in the back seat with him or her, your shoes are killing you, you're beginning to resent him or her and frankly, how can you muster the emotional or physical strength for the back seat and all that means...

Okay, so admittedly, I got a little bit off-track, with the analogy, but that's because its a good one to get off-track with. Being in middle management, which I realize is all relative, isn't all its cracked up to be. Sure, you get to make some decisions and be privvy to some information; the operative word here being SOME. And sure you don't have to do all the grunt work, nor do you have to make all the big scary decisions on your own and take full-responsibility for them. However, you somehow have to answer to everyone. Those you supervise you have a loyalty to (they contributed to you being at prom) because you've been there recently, you know they work hard, they see things from a critical perspective and you can't do your job effectively without them. However, you also have a loyalty to colleagues. I mean they went dress shopping with you and all or went and rolled their eyes with you at the florist, picking out a corsage to match your date's dress/tie&cumberbund and lets be honest, they're the people you're going to the beach with after prom. No matter what happens, they'll be cool with you in your sweats after prom, drunk on Boone's at the beach not matter how much of an ass you act like, right? They're your day to day. Then, you of course have a loyalty to your supervisors because they drove you there, paid for the gas and corsage, and depending on what happens at prom and in the back seat, might have a lot to do with your future. In essence, you have a lot at stake by not being loyal to them. They might be really important to your future. And for them, they've been to a lot of proms, with the Homecoming Queen and the Varsity Star and the Validictorian; they have some experience, some more information and are well connected.

As a middle manager, you're just the average prom go-er who just wants to have a good time. However, you have multiple people who think they "brung" you in one way or another and want you to dance only with them. Which leads me back to having sore feet and being emotionally drained and tired of the drama and just wanting things to be like they were in kindergarden.
So, you finally want to say to the person who drove you and has been to numerous proms with the "right" people; hey, I can't keep this dance up! The band geeks and smoking area kids are pissed and want to get you behind the school to air some issues and my friends may try and tell your parents or the principal how you think you're the shit or some of them just want to be with you at all costs, and man, I like dancing with you, and may even want to get in the back seat, but you just need to show me I'm not just another one night stand, that putting these dances off, and not getting to go hear the bathroom gossip and all that, will ultimately make me have a good life AND were the right things to do, and I'll look back on my prom, have fond memories and be able to laugh!

Its 1am and I had done so good with early bedtimes. And so with that, I've decided to end my prom/loyalty analogy there. I mean, I need my beauty rest to be able to dance all prom with everyone again tomorrow and all.