Let Go and Let God

Okay, so I've seen this bumper sticker hundreds of times and I've always wondered; what the heck is that about? I'm a Christian and still, I did not know what that phrase meant. I mean, sure, I could guess; let God handle it. Well, in my head over the past couple weeks, I've found myself mulling over this saying, though I still have only speculated what that meant. The situation is that work has become so crazy, that I've taken to praying about it; a lot! I've told my friends that I work with that I'm really trying; seriously...every day I think to myself; I'm going to let this go; I'm going to move past this (this being the "crazy" at work) and then BAM! every day something even more insane happens and I'm backing to being confused, frustrated, disillusioned, etc. etc. Its to the point that I've wished recently for LESS work ethic; yes, I said less. I said to my Mom today; why can't I just consider this a job; a series of tasks that need to be completed. Why do I care so much about it? I guess because its my career, but still...that doesn't seem a good enough answer to why I continue to set myself up in this way.

So today hit a new level of insanity. I and my colleagues got scolded and reprimanded by our department leadership; for, in essence, taking initiative. Literally, it was the first time in the six years I've worked here that I saw this person visibly angry; they raised their voice at us, were shaking and made a few generalizations. I felt angry, and I realized, sad and drained; literally exhausted emotionally; over WORK!~ I read my friend Jen's most recent blog and I think; see? there is so much pain and heartbreak in our humanity, so many crosses we need to bear in our personal lives; the lives that really matter and I'm letting myself get worked up and exhausted over this?! I drafted an email today, but didn't send it, to this person who is our leader. I put in it that as a team, we are suffering (each for our own reason) severe morale issues and that we've changed as individuals. I know I've changed. What kills me is that a past colleague as he was leaving a Res Life position with a few weeks notice said to me, "I don't like who I've become here" and I swore then I wouldn't ever let myself get to that point; I'd leave first. Enter the economy and a more established family that is rooted. I can't leave; even though I'm there; I don't like who I've become at work over the past six months. So, that brings me back to my blog title; I can't leave and I don't like who I've become; I WON'T let this happen...

Enter the phrase again: "Let Go Let God". I googled it tonight. As I thought; the phrase is derived from the concept, of not trying to control everything and letting God handle it; easier said than done, but I wonder...if this phrase keeps popping into my head; even if I think its a bit dorky, is there not a point here? When I googled it, I also found the Serenity Prayer listed. Most of us know it, but I certainly don't keep it in my forefront.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

serenity; peace? release from anxiety? to accept the things I cannot change.

Which then brings me to the popular phrase of we can't control the situations that happen to us, but we can control our attitude about them and how we react.

and I realize, I'm letting this craziness that is occurring at work affect my health (I lost 35 pounds a year and a half ago and have gained it all back; I'm on Weight Watchers again), my family, my friends and on and on and on. And completely for something I can't control; other people's perceptions, own insecurities and leadership style.

I can't have a crappy work ethic. I can't not care. I can't control everything, but I can TRY to let it go.

Let Go and Let God...