Monday, September 8, 2008

My First ResLife Mom Blog

So, I don't really know how to start this, other than to share what I was thinking when I created this. I blogged a bit about a year and a half ago while I was actively on Weight Watchers. It was a neat way to chronicle my journey and share with others who were along a similar journey as I. I've found my experience being a work outside the home Mom, in the field of Residential Life, to be its own very unique experience; not only as compared to other Moms working outside of the home full-time, but also as compared to my counterparts in Residential Life who are not Moms. I won't say that the experience is better or worse than any of the others, just different. I've found, that especially recently as I've advanced in the field, that I've really been seeking out more professionally advanced Moms that I can learn from, while also having more and more new professional women look to me for advice. After thinking of all of this, and being spurred to re-try blogging by my friend who is blogging about her doctoral work in Higher Education (YAY Jen!), I created this ResLifeMom blog, where I can share both my Res Life work outside the home and Mom experiences with those who are interested, while simultaneously creating a journal of sorts for myself.

One of the things I said this afternoon to a Resident Director in fact, when we were discussing "leaving your mark" on students, a department or institution, is that I have to work differently than my non-Mom colleagues to leave such a mark, especially as relates to positioning myself for advancement. I've found that I've done this by find a new, unique or creative way to "leave my mark" in my work in a department. The downside to this, I'm realizing more and more, is that when you create this unique "mark", then you often become one of the few to have that skill, area of expertise, interest, etc. and so you're asked to step up more and more in that regard; which, if you're like me, and are type A first born (not that people can't be type A and have other sibling order...oh I know them!), you do, again and again, suddenly you're overwhelmed by the amount of projects, initiatives, etc that you need to continue to excel and produce in, and this defeats the very reason you were creative in the first place...which I believe is because you often can't devote the same hours in time as some of your non-Mom colleagues so your strength becomes uniqueness.

I had this experience today in fact. Last semester, I supervised two residential colleges, while teaching First Year Experience, bidding to host the NEACUHO annual conference and leading a group to develop learning outcomes for our department. It was stressful. I felt like I was just in perpetual motion. I was very much looking foward to being able to focus on only one residential college this semester (though admittedly I miss the extra dinero $$$ :)). Somehow, my life feels almost as manic. As I sat in my one on one with my supervisor today and was a bit scattered, jumping from topic to topic in my responsibilities (another thing that's unlike me), she quietly pushed her one on one notes for me at me. Listed under the section labeled "committees" were the following:

RA Selection AD Mentor, Student Development CommitteeAD Mentor, Learning Community RD Group AD Mentor, Learning Community Review Group Chair, FYE Instructor, Parent Course Instructor, Assistant Director of Greek Life Search Committee, Division of Student Affairs Staff Development Committee, Student Health Advisory Committee, NEACUHO 2009 Annual Conference Chair...and then every so pointedly added was Girl Scout Leader...

Yes, yes, see when you have this personality, in this, as Judith Warner described it in her book: Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety, winner-take-all-parenting society, you end up functioning the same way in your Mommy life as you do your professional life; and thus, the addition of Girl Scouts, which I know she was probably thinking, though didn't push me too far by saying, simply after a two-year hiatus replaced the coaching of cheerleading that I did my first two years on the job; my first year coaching both a middle school and elementary team...because that's healthy adjusting to a new job you know...

And I said, hey, that's a personal "committee", I'm entitled to that.

She just looked at me.

Its not good when your friend has also become your supervisor...in a lot of ways.

And so after we both laughed, but at the same time, I recognized that yes, AGAIN, I had taken on too much, we went over them and did come to the conclusion that about half of them would be completed this fall and we further discussed ways I could back off further from others in the Spring to really be able to focus on the NEACUHO conference.

And then after she left, as I was thinking about merging all these timelines (oh, did I mention, I'm the Assistant Director of Residential Life for a residnetial college that my primary job is to manage and doing the staff supervision of?) it occurred to me we forgot one; you know that learnign outcome committee I spearheaded last semester while overseeing two communities? Well, you can't just implement outcomes and then go away; so we'll still be functioning, though not meeting quite as often, for the next year or two.

So, that's where I am. How did I become a case study I wonder? I really, really encourage any young boomer or gen X moms to read that Judith Warner book. It offered me no solutions, but made me realize its not just me, which my other Mom friends, whenever we get together (which is few and far between sadly enough...note our crazy lives) also confirm for me..>thank God! Like tonight, at dance practice for my oldest, I confirmed that I was not the only one whose daughter seemed to be starting emotional puberty now! When my friend indicated that her daughter who is very acadecmically focused at her age, had fits in front of the mirror about how her hair looked at 9 years old, it made me feel so much better about my own 9 year old asking me to buy her Paul Mitchell shampoo at $20 a b0ttle (which I did NOT acquiesce to!) and take her shopping at Aeropostale. So, I thank my dance class Mom friends! We need more us time.

And at that note, I've decided at almost 1am that I'm spent and while I could go on FOREVER about these issues, I really should get to bed. Can I rationalize the hour and a half I fell asleep on the futon though, while the hubby was on the computer? I think I can. Oh well, more to come soon; about my littlest first week at preschool. Stay tuned...

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