So, the husband is in Atlantic City tonight with his company; probably blowing money at the slots...HUMPF! Better not be; my birthday is this weekend.
Anyway, so I was on my own for tonight and tomorrow night with the girls, which would be fine, except that our first RA inservice for the area starts tonight. So, I engaged a sitter; or so I thought. She later decided because she's such a devoted student leader, that she had to go to a hall meeting to guide the underclassmen...note, she no longer lives on campus. So, I'm without a sitter. I decide, okay, it might be tough, but I'll just bring the girls with me to inservice.
SMACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That was reality smacking me upside the head!
So, Abbie, the youngest, started pre-school last week. She loves it! However, Kevin has mentioned and I have to give credit here, he's home with her Monday afternoons and Tuesday-Thursday from 3 on and Fridays all day, that she's giving up her naps; at least on days she in school all day...which is really the worst day because she's the most tired from school wearing her out. She's be getting overtired then right after dinner and just being difficult.
So of course, this would happen again tonight. I'm trying to help Autumn with homework and she's being pretty darn good about it lately; so I'm really, REALLY trying to reinforce that. Abbie is OUT OF CONTROL. She's throwing her my little ponies on Autumn's homework as she's doing it; and Autumn has attention issues with homework as is! Then we try to convince her she can do "homework" like Autumn and "work" like Mommy. Mind you, Mommy's "work" involved flippin' transcribing her life for the next several weeks to a hard copy calendar because her PDA bit the dust. She's told another one is on the way, but not without sufficient guilt of the cost given budget cuts. Anywho, the pretend homework/work, doesn't last long as then, apparently, coloring on your sister's homework is more fun. Autumn then gets mad to which Abbie reacts and in a fit, colors on the carpet (enter little voice in Kristin's head that says...she just can't have crayons unsupervised...in Kevin's voice) during which time, Autumn and I are trying to wrestle the crayon out of Abbie's hand. Abbie has like 4 times outs; some in the time out spot (love seat), some in her room with the gate up out of desperation to help Autumn with her homework. She finally zonks out completely in bed in her room.
Autumn finishes her homework, I get the crayon cleaned up, Kevin calls, I get on the computer for a few minutes. I'm debating about this entire inservice thing. Autumn really wants to go to Friendly's and come into work with me. Abbie's sleeping I say. I go back and forth and ultimately decided to go. We rouse Abbie (barely) from sleep and head out to Friendly's. We get seated quickly and the girls for once, have decided well before the server comes what they want. The food comes reasonably quickly, but its Friendly's, with a 9 and 3 year old, who I'm dragging in to an RA inservice (I'll get to my frustration about this later!); MUST...HAVE...ICE....CREAM! right? So, I specifically say to the server when she comes to take the first plate away, that I'd like to order the ice cream now to go and have the check done immediately. 15 minutes later....
So, now we're running late, Abbie recovered for about 25 minutes in the restaurant, but began whining and squirming toward the end. Now I'm running late, AS THE AD MIND YOU, for an RA inservice, the first of the year with a over-tired, grouchy pre-schooler and an over-tired grouchy self! About a third of the way there during some whining about not being able to see ice cream and noticing that BOTH girls were covered in chocolate and whip cream and Autumn commenting to Abbie, "yup, Mom's stressed"...I felt like responding in Hannah Montana fashion..."YA, THINK?" I pull out the cell and call Bill (my Faculty Master). I tell him, I have guilt, I feel bad, I shouldn't do this, but I can't do THIS...bring too way too tired girls to an RA inservice for by the time I get there, 40 minutes, for get this A GET TO KNOW YOU GAME!!!!
Which brings up to the greater issue why I finally decide enough is enough. I mean really, the best that could be come up with is that? And I have to drive 20 minutes in, to stay an hour, do nothing, but watch people get to know each other and drive 20 minutes home. and so, guilt and all, though supported by Bill who will make my apologies and excuses, I u-turn the car around on the Vestal Parkway and go home.
I give Abbie a bath, my Dad calls. I finally talk to him for the first time in 2 months; sad I know, but true. I do this while simultaneously giving Abbie a bath, getting her out and into her pjs and getting Autumn into the shower. I eventually get both girls to bed, unload and reload the dishwasher, put away the folded laundry from LAST WEEK :) and sort the new laundry that has spontaneously reproduced, email about Girl Scouts, play on facebook, do more laundry and write this blog. And still, 4 hours after the u-turn on the Vestal Parkway, I still feel the guilt.
Am I a bad AD (no of course is the answer)? Will the RAs think I don't care and am not invested (maybe some, others will understand)? Would I hear it if "people" knew? (probably in a passive agressive way)? But in reality, I just needed to make this decision when weighing everything, including it being the first inservice, the topic (completely pointless for me being there and probably thrown together last minute) and my girls' needs (sleep, no stress, baths/showers, and just mommy), that they came first in this case.
And then I think, I sooooo want time off. And I wonder, how does my mentor, Beth, also have two kids (a bit older, but still! only by a few years for one of them), work full-time outside the home as a CHO AND is starting her doctorate. I don't know that I could do it; even 3 years from now when my oldest is her oldest's age. Nope. Maybe 6-7 years from now when I'm her age, I'll be in a different place. Maybe I'll have overcome the Superwoman Blackout Syndrome by then. Maybe I won't be on 10 additional committees on top of my job.
And maybe I won't be on the computer at midnight blogging instead of going to bed...
which makes me think...
its time to not be on the computer and go to bed.
Good night!
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