Well, something came over me a couple days before Christmas; call it the Christmas spirit, but I decided last minute to get my haircut as I was desperately overdue! This is how desperate I was; I ventured into CostCutters; yup, desperate times call for desperate measures. Anyway, it was the 23rd and as I figured many people may be getting the last minute cuts, I got their early; about 15 minutes early. So, I had time to kill and decided, eh, I'll poke around PetSmart. Why? I don't know, I don't even have a pet right now, but it was something to do. Well, I'm poking around and there I see cats for adoption from the Humane Society; they were sooo cute! So, I go back to get my haircut and I can't stop thinking about them. I call Kevin and say, OMG, I almost got a cat; he tells me I"m dangerous out on my own shopping, but does admit, about as dangerous as him in Lowe's or Home Depot :) I get my haircut and proceed back in to check them out a bit more and I see my friend Jen; a cat AND dog lover heading to her car. I call her over and tell her my thoughts and she accompanied me back inside; clearly to be a good? ;) influence. I ask to see the cats and the salesperson says, "are you considering adoption?" in a bit of a tone I might add. I instinctively say yes; what has come over me? Consider this, I've never owned a cat; I grew up with dogs AND I'm allergic to them!
Well, we get brought into this room and they bring out 2 cats for me to play with; Tala (1-2 years old) and Petunia (8 weeks old). I play with both and enjoy both. I fill out an application for adoption; seriously! What am I doing? I fill out the form and head home shaking my head to tell Kevin. Christmas Eve day, Autumn and I head out to Starbuck's. After getting my fix, I say, hey, do you want to see the cute cats that I played with yesterday. Of course she's interested! We go in and after watching them, I tell her that I put in for adoption; I think she almost hit the floor! I asked her if she'd like to play with them and she was definitely in. She played with both, though definitely there was more comfort (on both her and the cats' ends) with Petunia, the little one. As we're leaving, I call Kevin to tell him and he says, the Human Society just called, the application was approved (even with the little white lie answer to "Does anyone have allergies?"; "Put no" Jen said, "Its what Kristen did" :) Kevin tells me the lady needs to know by 2pm which cat we definitely want to consider. We go home, have lunch, get Kevin and Abbie and head BACK OUT to Petsmart to have them play with her. They tell us they're much too busy. Kevin and Abbie watch them both and we decide as a family; definitely Petunia! I call the Humane Society from the car and tell them Petunia and set up an appointment for Sunday at 10am to go over everything; OMG I'm adopting a cat?! The girls are crazy excited, so I guess its worth it. Friday morning I buy generic Zyrtec and start taking it Saturday morning.
Sunday morning we head out to PetSmart. The rep says, you must be Petunia's new family. Somehow the finality of that freaked me out a bit, but I said, yup. Next thing I know, I'm reviewing medical history, promising to spay and writing out a check for $85 thank you! :) The holiday special however, allowed for PetSmart to donate $10 to the Humane Society too from my adoption; double plus :)
Then comes the set-up shopping. Isn't it true about any new venture? You know you're supposed to consider all the costs, but never really add it up until its done; Another $175 later and I'm loading a kitten, bed, carrier, litter box, litter, dishes, mat, cat food, toys and a collar into my minivan; OY! Then its home to set up everything.
The first day we hold Petunia a bit and pet her, but she skimpers off most of the time. My allergies bother me slightly; I wheeze a teeny bit Sunday night and that's it. Monday she becomes more adventurous; then comes the offering of wet cat food (the vet informed me today that I just created a high end addiction!) and she went ballistic. Now apparently, we're all best friends! Hey, I guess if someone fed me high end food every day I might get pretty friendly too! :) Now she's becoming more comfortable and letting Autumn and Kevin pet her. I suppose she'd let me too, but I'm trying hard not to do it so much, which brings me to the amazing part...
I kind of like this cat.
Yup, me, the person who never had a cat, has had full dlown allergy attacks with them, is really liking this cat; and amazingly, allergies are holding down pretty well.
I just called her Petunia Calegari; in all seriousness; in the same way as my girls! We're getting a new tv too and Kevin was removing the old one and repainting and she went over to the wires and paint to poke around and I had to say, "Petunia Calegari!".
Who knew?
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
The "I don't know what this will be about, but I haven't blogged in a month" Post
Okee dokee; so, its been over a month since I last posted. Isn't that crazy? Quite a bit of things have happened since the Prom episode. Myself and my co-workers have had lots of meetings with our boss and our second line supervisor. We've been challenging ourselves to rework our system within our bounds. One thing I think we've done, especially my returning colleagues and I, is start advocating for ourselves. Maybe we still don't do it as often as we should, but we're standing up more when we need something, or, in fact, don't need something. I'm proud of us. I was just discussing with one of my friends and colleagues that "we've come a long way baby" from this time last year as a team; truly we have. Sharing is becoming easier too; sharing the spotlight, sharing the trouble, sharing a lot. And I think, this is really making us more successful and more professional. I'm also developing different kinds of friendships with my colleagues and I appreciate those friendships perhaps in a way I didn't before. Let me explain.
When I left Massachusetts to move out here to New York, I had a much harder time leaving the couple that Kevin and I had become best friends with; Tim and Tina, than anything else. Our families are farther away now, but they were still an hour to an hour and a half away then. I don't think I realized how critical friends right where you are locally are, until my friendship with Tim and Tina. We had high hopes for maintaining the friendship once we moved away; you know, we'd email, still visit and the girls would be email pen pals one day. That worked for about a year. Now, its relegated to a Christmas card and once in a GREAT while email. There's parts of my that are sad about it, but...it is what it is :) as I always say.
Here's what I realized that I didn't have right about friendships as an adult though; that they have to be an exact match. Why did I think they did? I think I felt like; unless I became friends with another married couple, with two kids, almost exactly the same age, that it just wouldn't work. I was searching for a needle in a haystack. I'm becoming more and more comfortable with the concept that friendships change. I'm becoming even more comfortable that I can expand upon the above definition of a friendship want ad and have really fulfilling friendships with younger people, people with more kids, no kids, single people, etc. etc. Sometimes the way we have to plan our friendship time might change slightly, but these new friends I'm developing are local (read #1 that I realized you need) and truly care about me, who I am and the important people in my life; Kevin and the girls. I'm so happy I've found them.
This is not to say that I don't wish my life was easier in terms of friendships. I still want the girlfriend right next door, that also works full-time outside the home and can go for walks in the neighborhood without a crazy adjustment of a schedule. I am starting to realize though as I am at this third/middle age range, that this is really an image. Our generation is different. We're juggling more, we' struggling financially, we're busy, busy people in a society that values human contact less and less. I'm not saying we should completely acquiesce to society in this regard, but again, it is what it is. For example, a young childless couple move in next door to us. We thought, oh fun! Younger neighbors RIGHT NEXT DOOR; they move in during mid-October. We barely ever see them!
I think maybe when we're then in our early t0 mid 40's; careers more established, further education started or completed, kids older if we have them, things may be easier. For now though, my developing friendships are enough. The commonalities we do share, and the care people express is enough. I look forward to how these friendships change and develop too over the next decade.
When I left Massachusetts to move out here to New York, I had a much harder time leaving the couple that Kevin and I had become best friends with; Tim and Tina, than anything else. Our families are farther away now, but they were still an hour to an hour and a half away then. I don't think I realized how critical friends right where you are locally are, until my friendship with Tim and Tina. We had high hopes for maintaining the friendship once we moved away; you know, we'd email, still visit and the girls would be email pen pals one day. That worked for about a year. Now, its relegated to a Christmas card and once in a GREAT while email. There's parts of my that are sad about it, but...it is what it is :) as I always say.
Here's what I realized that I didn't have right about friendships as an adult though; that they have to be an exact match. Why did I think they did? I think I felt like; unless I became friends with another married couple, with two kids, almost exactly the same age, that it just wouldn't work. I was searching for a needle in a haystack. I'm becoming more and more comfortable with the concept that friendships change. I'm becoming even more comfortable that I can expand upon the above definition of a friendship want ad and have really fulfilling friendships with younger people, people with more kids, no kids, single people, etc. etc. Sometimes the way we have to plan our friendship time might change slightly, but these new friends I'm developing are local (read #1 that I realized you need) and truly care about me, who I am and the important people in my life; Kevin and the girls. I'm so happy I've found them.
This is not to say that I don't wish my life was easier in terms of friendships. I still want the girlfriend right next door, that also works full-time outside the home and can go for walks in the neighborhood without a crazy adjustment of a schedule. I am starting to realize though as I am at this third/middle age range, that this is really an image. Our generation is different. We're juggling more, we' struggling financially, we're busy, busy people in a society that values human contact less and less. I'm not saying we should completely acquiesce to society in this regard, but again, it is what it is. For example, a young childless couple move in next door to us. We thought, oh fun! Younger neighbors RIGHT NEXT DOOR; they move in during mid-October. We barely ever see them!
I think maybe when we're then in our early t0 mid 40's; careers more established, further education started or completed, kids older if we have them, things may be easier. For now though, my developing friendships are enough. The commonalities we do share, and the care people express is enough. I look forward to how these friendships change and develop too over the next decade.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
The Prom
Its been a long time; since Prom I mean, but its sort of been a concept/analogy thrown around a bit lately. let me explain.
One of my colleagues who is faculty, but works in our department, values loyalty greatly. Recently he read The Last Lecture and found a quote within that book that epitomized this for him; "Dance with the one who brung you". For him, this means, if you go to the prom or dance with someone they should be the one you dance with, not others; You should be loyal to them. Now, on face value, I get this. However, I challenged him today and said, but what if everyone else at Prom helped pay for your ticket? Don't you also have an obligation to dance with them? He told me I can talk to others, mingle, but he gets to dance with me and take me in the back seat because he drove me there. I told him, a corvette doesn't have a back seat. ;) Be that as it may, my point was, while I understand being loyal and I think there is value in that, one also needs to recognize that people have many loyalties, which I think I've had to "juggle" quite frequently lately as a "middle-manager"
A supervisor and friend indicated to me today that myself and collegaues in my same position seem to be doing more complaining and a clear message of malcontent (my word, not their's) is being received. In all honesty, I think she's right. I don't know if I would describe it as complaining, but do I think we're voicing our malcontent more? Yup, I do. But, I think its because the heels we wore to prom just aren't ones that were made for dancing non-stop, all night, with everyone at prom because one of them brought us, but the others who paid for our ticket, also refuse to not get in their one slow dance with us. I mean, #1, there are only a certain number of slow dances the DJ plays during prom right? and the reality is, prom always flies by and there's still not enough time to "dance with the one (AND ONES) who brung you" and so you need to prioritize. Maybe you say, okay, well, you brung me, so I'll save the last dance for you, but I need to dance these other dances with the ones who paid my ticket. Or maybe, you can let the ones who help pay your ticket have the slow dances, BUT then you also need to dance the fast dances with others too.
The clincher here? I want the fast dances to be for my friends. I want time in-between dances that really matter to go to the bathroom with the girls, touch up my make-up, pee for Heaven's sake, and catch up on who's going to hook up with who (yes, I realize by that phrase I'm dating myself!). But when everyone's version of "who brung you" is different, then that means you have a number of people who expect dances from you. You put some off, you dance with some, the one who brung you in the car now REALLY wants you in the back seat and frankly, even if you want to go in the back seat with him or her, your shoes are killing you, you're beginning to resent him or her and frankly, how can you muster the emotional or physical strength for the back seat and all that means...
Okay, so admittedly, I got a little bit off-track, with the analogy, but that's because its a good one to get off-track with. Being in middle management, which I realize is all relative, isn't all its cracked up to be. Sure, you get to make some decisions and be privvy to some information; the operative word here being SOME. And sure you don't have to do all the grunt work, nor do you have to make all the big scary decisions on your own and take full-responsibility for them. However, you somehow have to answer to everyone. Those you supervise you have a loyalty to (they contributed to you being at prom) because you've been there recently, you know they work hard, they see things from a critical perspective and you can't do your job effectively without them. However, you also have a loyalty to colleagues. I mean they went dress shopping with you and all or went and rolled their eyes with you at the florist, picking out a corsage to match your date's dress/tie&cumberbund and lets be honest, they're the people you're going to the beach with after prom. No matter what happens, they'll be cool with you in your sweats after prom, drunk on Boone's at the beach not matter how much of an ass you act like, right? They're your day to day. Then, you of course have a loyalty to your supervisors because they drove you there, paid for the gas and corsage, and depending on what happens at prom and in the back seat, might have a lot to do with your future. In essence, you have a lot at stake by not being loyal to them. They might be really important to your future. And for them, they've been to a lot of proms, with the Homecoming Queen and the Varsity Star and the Validictorian; they have some experience, some more information and are well connected.
As a middle manager, you're just the average prom go-er who just wants to have a good time. However, you have multiple people who think they "brung" you in one way or another and want you to dance only with them. Which leads me back to having sore feet and being emotionally drained and tired of the drama and just wanting things to be like they were in kindergarden.
So, you finally want to say to the person who drove you and has been to numerous proms with the "right" people; hey, I can't keep this dance up! The band geeks and smoking area kids are pissed and want to get you behind the school to air some issues and my friends may try and tell your parents or the principal how you think you're the shit or some of them just want to be with you at all costs, and man, I like dancing with you, and may even want to get in the back seat, but you just need to show me I'm not just another one night stand, that putting these dances off, and not getting to go hear the bathroom gossip and all that, will ultimately make me have a good life AND were the right things to do, and I'll look back on my prom, have fond memories and be able to laugh!
Its 1am and I had done so good with early bedtimes. And so with that, I've decided to end my prom/loyalty analogy there. I mean, I need my beauty rest to be able to dance all prom with everyone again tomorrow and all.
One of my colleagues who is faculty, but works in our department, values loyalty greatly. Recently he read The Last Lecture and found a quote within that book that epitomized this for him; "Dance with the one who brung you". For him, this means, if you go to the prom or dance with someone they should be the one you dance with, not others; You should be loyal to them. Now, on face value, I get this. However, I challenged him today and said, but what if everyone else at Prom helped pay for your ticket? Don't you also have an obligation to dance with them? He told me I can talk to others, mingle, but he gets to dance with me and take me in the back seat because he drove me there. I told him, a corvette doesn't have a back seat. ;) Be that as it may, my point was, while I understand being loyal and I think there is value in that, one also needs to recognize that people have many loyalties, which I think I've had to "juggle" quite frequently lately as a "middle-manager"
A supervisor and friend indicated to me today that myself and collegaues in my same position seem to be doing more complaining and a clear message of malcontent (my word, not their's) is being received. In all honesty, I think she's right. I don't know if I would describe it as complaining, but do I think we're voicing our malcontent more? Yup, I do. But, I think its because the heels we wore to prom just aren't ones that were made for dancing non-stop, all night, with everyone at prom because one of them brought us, but the others who paid for our ticket, also refuse to not get in their one slow dance with us. I mean, #1, there are only a certain number of slow dances the DJ plays during prom right? and the reality is, prom always flies by and there's still not enough time to "dance with the one (AND ONES) who brung you" and so you need to prioritize. Maybe you say, okay, well, you brung me, so I'll save the last dance for you, but I need to dance these other dances with the ones who paid my ticket. Or maybe, you can let the ones who help pay your ticket have the slow dances, BUT then you also need to dance the fast dances with others too.
The clincher here? I want the fast dances to be for my friends. I want time in-between dances that really matter to go to the bathroom with the girls, touch up my make-up, pee for Heaven's sake, and catch up on who's going to hook up with who (yes, I realize by that phrase I'm dating myself!). But when everyone's version of "who brung you" is different, then that means you have a number of people who expect dances from you. You put some off, you dance with some, the one who brung you in the car now REALLY wants you in the back seat and frankly, even if you want to go in the back seat with him or her, your shoes are killing you, you're beginning to resent him or her and frankly, how can you muster the emotional or physical strength for the back seat and all that means...
Okay, so admittedly, I got a little bit off-track, with the analogy, but that's because its a good one to get off-track with. Being in middle management, which I realize is all relative, isn't all its cracked up to be. Sure, you get to make some decisions and be privvy to some information; the operative word here being SOME. And sure you don't have to do all the grunt work, nor do you have to make all the big scary decisions on your own and take full-responsibility for them. However, you somehow have to answer to everyone. Those you supervise you have a loyalty to (they contributed to you being at prom) because you've been there recently, you know they work hard, they see things from a critical perspective and you can't do your job effectively without them. However, you also have a loyalty to colleagues. I mean they went dress shopping with you and all or went and rolled their eyes with you at the florist, picking out a corsage to match your date's dress/tie&cumberbund and lets be honest, they're the people you're going to the beach with after prom. No matter what happens, they'll be cool with you in your sweats after prom, drunk on Boone's at the beach not matter how much of an ass you act like, right? They're your day to day. Then, you of course have a loyalty to your supervisors because they drove you there, paid for the gas and corsage, and depending on what happens at prom and in the back seat, might have a lot to do with your future. In essence, you have a lot at stake by not being loyal to them. They might be really important to your future. And for them, they've been to a lot of proms, with the Homecoming Queen and the Varsity Star and the Validictorian; they have some experience, some more information and are well connected.
As a middle manager, you're just the average prom go-er who just wants to have a good time. However, you have multiple people who think they "brung" you in one way or another and want you to dance only with them. Which leads me back to having sore feet and being emotionally drained and tired of the drama and just wanting things to be like they were in kindergarden.
So, you finally want to say to the person who drove you and has been to numerous proms with the "right" people; hey, I can't keep this dance up! The band geeks and smoking area kids are pissed and want to get you behind the school to air some issues and my friends may try and tell your parents or the principal how you think you're the shit or some of them just want to be with you at all costs, and man, I like dancing with you, and may even want to get in the back seat, but you just need to show me I'm not just another one night stand, that putting these dances off, and not getting to go hear the bathroom gossip and all that, will ultimately make me have a good life AND were the right things to do, and I'll look back on my prom, have fond memories and be able to laugh!
Its 1am and I had done so good with early bedtimes. And so with that, I've decided to end my prom/loyalty analogy there. I mean, I need my beauty rest to be able to dance all prom with everyone again tomorrow and all.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
ResLifeMom has clearly been holding quite a few thoughts in over the past 8 years!!!! Its time to Let them Loose!
Okay, so I just read this really interesting blog that I posted on my facebook site. Basically, its a lifelong Democrat kvetching about what's happened to her party. I couldn't agree more. The basic premise of her blog and really is what I've been stewing about for awhile, but don't discuss particularly BECAUSE of the issue (Its not safe or open for me to do so), is the Democratic party has always been for equality, justice for all, especially the oppressed, support for the middle and lower classes, inclusion, etc., etc. And because of this, I considered myself a Democrat most of my teen and adult life as well. One of my dearest childhood friends has always been (and still is based on her facebook status tonight; LOL!) a die-hard Republican, so much so, that I often didn't discuss politics with her because of our opposing views and it was just too intense..>Trace, you know I love you though, right? :) Goodness knows, I will forever remember your Giant Dukakis Salad pin. Anyway, I was so devastated in 200o when Gore lost the election to Bush because up until that point, I had viewed the Democratic party in the way I described above.
Now, I'm 8 years older and certainly, there's parts of me that have grown more conservative with age; just ask my hubby; he was a brave man to take up with me and all my liberal glory as a college student; less we remember the election during our first year of mariage. And certainly, home ownership, children, etc., etc. have played somewhat into that. Anway...I digress. So, along comes the 2004 race between Kerry and Bush. Now, I'm not crazy about Bush; he's certainly screwed some things up (Iraq or DON'T GET ME STARTED ABOUT "NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND BULLSHIT!), but I don't see him as this evil person responsible for sudden decline of our country on all these fronts. However, the Kerry/Edwards ticket made me cringe! Seriously, suddenly, the Democratic party took on for me, this elitist, snotty-ass, close-minded, if you don't see our way you're ignorant, stupid, and meaningless, sort of aura. I'm completely disillusioned, troubled and saddened by the "general" (because I'm making a BROAD generalization here) Democratic attitude because of the hypocrisy I see. Two examples come to mind: First, the treatment of Sarah Palin by many Democrats. Now, I know PLENTY of people who had well-informed and rationale concerns for her as a VP; these aren't the people I speak of. The people I speak of are the average Democrat who is just personally attacking in cruel and vicious ways, this woman for any and everything. I also recently saw a video of a McCain/Palin supporter march in the Upper Westside and the response from residents who tend to be Democratic, was disgusting; they were yelling in the marchers faces, giving them the finger, calling them names, etc. It was disgusting! Now, the Republican party isn't innocent and certainly, I have concerns over big-money and some of their own lack of inclusion. However, I think was disturbs me greatly is that the Democratic party stands on laurels with regard to inclusion, much more often, but has drifted away.
I see this in higher education and Res Life ALL the time. We propose to be so damn liberal, inclusive and open in academia and most specifically student affairs; ummm...we are, but only if you subscribe to all liberal thought. This came to light for me recently in my FYE class. A number of my students were discussing the fact that political ideology is more of a hot button source of conflict for students, including roommates, than religion. The expresssed their fear, anger, frustration, etc. about not really feeling safe and open to express theire opinions. Based on other comments, most, though not all, of these students are moderate or conservative. I've heard this from several colleagues or student leaders who are of the same mind-set. There are liberals, Democrats or moderates out there that TRULY understand the Democratic party roots and while they may not agree with the liberal, moderate or conservative opinion, they understand inclusion; that we all have different thoughts and beliefs and they should be respected. To you all ( one of my friends/colleague and fellow blogger is one of those key people) I have the utmost respect for you and even more so after watching how you've handled yourself through this election cycle. Regardless of your beliefs, you've opened yourself up and not judged or made uncomfortable, students, colleagues, and friends of differing political persuasions than you. I'm honored to be your friend.
Now, I know the feelings will subside over the next few months and regardless of your party, ideation or candidate you were rooting for (or dreading least..ha ha) we'll get back to normal. Obama will be in office for two terms, the Demos will have their own screw-ups, just like the Republicans have, because somehow, we all idealistically want to believe all these politicians; regardless of party we associate with, will fulfill their promises (they mostly won't and mostly can't), and 8 years from now, we'll probably be electing a Republican candidate for office. What I hope happens by then, is the Democratic party re-finds itself and a candidate who can not only represent inclusion and compassion FOR ALL, but who inspires that in others, rather than inspiring meanness and spite. I hope, whether its Obama or someone after him, that we see sometime in the next decade, a candidate in office who is TRULY role models bi (and other) partisan work and walks the talk. I hope Obama in his Presidency and those that follow in the next decade, provide us as people, but more specifically, us in higher education, the opportunity to challenge ourselves to grow as people and as a field and really be the place of honest discourse and learning that we should be.
Now, I'm 8 years older and certainly, there's parts of me that have grown more conservative with age; just ask my hubby; he was a brave man to take up with me and all my liberal glory as a college student; less we remember the election during our first year of mariage. And certainly, home ownership, children, etc., etc. have played somewhat into that. Anway...I digress. So, along comes the 2004 race between Kerry and Bush. Now, I'm not crazy about Bush; he's certainly screwed some things up (Iraq or DON'T GET ME STARTED ABOUT "NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND BULLSHIT!), but I don't see him as this evil person responsible for sudden decline of our country on all these fronts. However, the Kerry/Edwards ticket made me cringe! Seriously, suddenly, the Democratic party took on for me, this elitist, snotty-ass, close-minded, if you don't see our way you're ignorant, stupid, and meaningless, sort of aura. I'm completely disillusioned, troubled and saddened by the "general" (because I'm making a BROAD generalization here) Democratic attitude because of the hypocrisy I see. Two examples come to mind: First, the treatment of Sarah Palin by many Democrats. Now, I know PLENTY of people who had well-informed and rationale concerns for her as a VP; these aren't the people I speak of. The people I speak of are the average Democrat who is just personally attacking in cruel and vicious ways, this woman for any and everything. I also recently saw a video of a McCain/Palin supporter march in the Upper Westside and the response from residents who tend to be Democratic, was disgusting; they were yelling in the marchers faces, giving them the finger, calling them names, etc. It was disgusting! Now, the Republican party isn't innocent and certainly, I have concerns over big-money and some of their own lack of inclusion. However, I think was disturbs me greatly is that the Democratic party stands on laurels with regard to inclusion, much more often, but has drifted away.
I see this in higher education and Res Life ALL the time. We propose to be so damn liberal, inclusive and open in academia and most specifically student affairs; ummm...we are, but only if you subscribe to all liberal thought. This came to light for me recently in my FYE class. A number of my students were discussing the fact that political ideology is more of a hot button source of conflict for students, including roommates, than religion. The expresssed their fear, anger, frustration, etc. about not really feeling safe and open to express theire opinions. Based on other comments, most, though not all, of these students are moderate or conservative. I've heard this from several colleagues or student leaders who are of the same mind-set. There are liberals, Democrats or moderates out there that TRULY understand the Democratic party roots and while they may not agree with the liberal, moderate or conservative opinion, they understand inclusion; that we all have different thoughts and beliefs and they should be respected. To you all ( one of my friends/colleague and fellow blogger is one of those key people) I have the utmost respect for you and even more so after watching how you've handled yourself through this election cycle. Regardless of your beliefs, you've opened yourself up and not judged or made uncomfortable, students, colleagues, and friends of differing political persuasions than you. I'm honored to be your friend.
Now, I know the feelings will subside over the next few months and regardless of your party, ideation or candidate you were rooting for (or dreading least..ha ha) we'll get back to normal. Obama will be in office for two terms, the Demos will have their own screw-ups, just like the Republicans have, because somehow, we all idealistically want to believe all these politicians; regardless of party we associate with, will fulfill their promises (they mostly won't and mostly can't), and 8 years from now, we'll probably be electing a Republican candidate for office. What I hope happens by then, is the Democratic party re-finds itself and a candidate who can not only represent inclusion and compassion FOR ALL, but who inspires that in others, rather than inspiring meanness and spite. I hope, whether its Obama or someone after him, that we see sometime in the next decade, a candidate in office who is TRULY role models bi (and other) partisan work and walks the talk. I hope Obama in his Presidency and those that follow in the next decade, provide us as people, but more specifically, us in higher education, the opportunity to challenge ourselves to grow as people and as a field and really be the place of honest discourse and learning that we should be.
Monday, November 3, 2008
A Schedule that Could Rival an Air-Traffic Controller's and Millenial Musings
Okay, so I'm eating lunch in relative peace and quiet at my desk; NO ONE is in the office; aaah. So, I decide I'll catch up on my blogging as I did a week and a half ago and after blogging for ONE HOUR, I went to post, forgot my password and lost it all :( So, I'm back on.
Okay, so my title, right? A Schedule that Could Rival an Air-Traffic Controller's; what's that all about you ask; well, it is what it is :) I have been saying lately, that this is how I describe my schedule this year. Basically, is that its this intricate network of comings and goings and soccer/gymnastics/dance/scouts/whatevering it up for Kevin and I. So, my oldest, Autumn, made competitive soccer this year. We've been practicing once a week for the past month; enter the start of the winter season this month, AND enter an additional practice AND a game each week. So, what this means is that every other week from now until God knows when..June I think...Autumn has dance on Monday evenings, Soccer practice Tuesday evenings, Soccer Practice Wednesday evenings, Girl Scouts (of which I'm co-leader, which you see means some responsibility and prep work) Thursday evenings, Soccer games Saturday mornings, along with Abbie's (my youngest) entrance into extra-curricular life with gymnastics practice also on Saturday mornings. That's quite a recipe you say, or schedule of comings and goings. Well, then, add a dose of Kevin's religion classes on Tuesday/Wednesday or Thursday nights this year depending on the month, Autumn's religion class on Sunday mornings and my crazy non-traditional hours res life job and there you have it; a schedule that could rival an air-traffic controller's! I think its particularly noticeable right now because Autumn also is like, NEVER in school in the month of November! I though we were bad here at BU with no school in September, but its crazy; every year, 4 half days, veteran's day off and then Thanksgiving break. So then, in addition to juggling the crazy schedules are juggling work schedules and who is going to take off when to be with which child where...Phew; that was a mouthful! So I need to get used to these varied flight patterns and departures and take offs and then BAM; I need to acquire a couple of re-surging airlines for some additional scheduling; like maybe working out again and seeing if I can still run after 2 months off? maybe seeing friends once in a while , going to crafting, etc. Let me tell you how amazing it was on Saturday to go with just Autumn and spend TWO HOURS, that's right I said TWO HOURS at the Endicott Teachers Association Craft Fair; it was Heaven! I remember going to tons of church fairs and stuff with my Mom and Nanny on the weekends and I loved it even as a kid, never mind as an adult indulgence of which I don't get to partake too often. So, here's my challenge to all my female adult friends in the field with crazy schedules of their own; Can we do it? Can we find a time to be stereotypical women and spend a few hours one weekend day paruseing church and other fairs? We shall see.
Then of course there's holiday shopping AND making some semblance of normal healthy meals for my family. I know, I know, all the super mom books will tell you "its okay" to do take out, micro meals, etc. and I really don't want to play into being a manic Super Mom (though I admit I'm not too successful at evading this), but having once in a while healthy meals and sitting down together as a family is something I've prided myself on up until now. Maybe my balance will be, one week of quicky meals and then a week of healthy ones given my every other week manic schedule. We shall see, we shall see, we shall see. This however is why I have an air traffic controller's schedule; which is also what brings me to my millennial musings.
I recently posted on my facebook status that sometimes I want to have a millennial attitude. Its so true. Now, I know the millennial characteristics don't apply at all times, or even to all millennials (case in point, my fellow Res Life Mom who I'm pretty sure is a GenXer trapped in a millennial body); anywho, this is my musing so it is what it is :) Okay, so when I posted that status, this is what I meant; I want to be able to assert myself with whomever, and challenge others even when they're "authority" without fear of negative reprecussions. Seriously. This connects to the entire schedule thing; I promise. So, often my GenX counterparts and myself kvetch a bit about our millennial staff, students, family, etc. We don't hate; my staff, students, family, etc. who fit the millennial bill; I love you, I really do; but honestly, at times you drive me INSANE! One of the key issues is the strict parameters that millennials establish around their work and personal lives. We as genxers supervisors are like; seriously? Just do you freakin' job in the spirit in which it was intended (by this I usually refer to a live-in position). But this is my main musing about this prime issue with millennials; we're jealous and resentful. I guess we could attribute it to our GenX cynicism, but really, I think the issue is partly, yes, give it your all and do the damn job, but partly, we wish we could bring ourselves to do the same thing. Even when we can, we don't; Even when people tell me I can leave early, come late, skip something, I feel intense guilt about it; that's if I even do it. So this is my life; I've mentioned this before; constant guilt at work and home.
Even my colleagues and friends who are not moms, but have other important priorities in their lives experience this. A couple millennial friends/staff/etc last week made comments that brought this to light for me more than usual, BUT it was my day off on Thursday that really hit it home. So, I had this grandiose plan to come into work, leave for a few hours, come back on Thursday and Friday at different times to meet different needs with the air traffic controller schedule. Then, on Thursday morning, I realized our signals had crossed (we know what happens when that happens in air-traffic controlling; DISASTERS) and Kevin had an obligation for work when Abbie had her first school Halloween parade and party. In addition, I felt run down, crampy (yes, I also had PMS; WHAT OF IT??!!!) and generally like CRAP. So, I bit the bullet, called my boss (interestingly enough, ALSO a Genxr, so I worry about her response/thoughts) and took the entire day off. It was HEAVEN! When two of my friends posted on my facebook status, indicating my joy, about their jealousy, I commented to one of them something to the effect of : Did you know there are people out there who don't live their jobs? One of my faculty colleagues summed it up last week; he said, sometimes, I wonder, what would it be like to be a truck driver, or a job that when your shift was done; you left it behind at work and went home and focused on home. How true; I mean I get the salaried versus hourly and "other duties as assigned concept", though while its maintained our union prevents this from being in our contract, lets be honest, its in our contract :) But my day on Thursday was wonderful, relaxing and revitalizing. I slept in a wee bit, went to Abbie's preschool for her Halloween party, which was AWESOME :) then went home, took Autumn to lunch, dropped her off at home, went to her Parent Teacher conference, then went home and had a nice dinner and hung out with the family. It was great, great, great and I need to focus on WW(a)MD? What Would a Millennial Do? I think sometimes when I just need to be a person, or a mom or a wife or whatever and if I have the time, TAKE IT. So what if I have to reschedule something, missing one day of work, one meeting, etc. isn't going to make or break my success as a professional. In fact, because I come back so positive, it may just make me a better professional, and it DEFINITELY makes me a better mom and wife!
Okay, so my title, right? A Schedule that Could Rival an Air-Traffic Controller's; what's that all about you ask; well, it is what it is :) I have been saying lately, that this is how I describe my schedule this year. Basically, is that its this intricate network of comings and goings and soccer/gymnastics/dance/scouts/whatevering it up for Kevin and I. So, my oldest, Autumn, made competitive soccer this year. We've been practicing once a week for the past month; enter the start of the winter season this month, AND enter an additional practice AND a game each week. So, what this means is that every other week from now until God knows when..June I think...Autumn has dance on Monday evenings, Soccer practice Tuesday evenings, Soccer Practice Wednesday evenings, Girl Scouts (of which I'm co-leader, which you see means some responsibility and prep work) Thursday evenings, Soccer games Saturday mornings, along with Abbie's (my youngest) entrance into extra-curricular life with gymnastics practice also on Saturday mornings. That's quite a recipe you say, or schedule of comings and goings. Well, then, add a dose of Kevin's religion classes on Tuesday/Wednesday or Thursday nights this year depending on the month, Autumn's religion class on Sunday mornings and my crazy non-traditional hours res life job and there you have it; a schedule that could rival an air-traffic controller's! I think its particularly noticeable right now because Autumn also is like, NEVER in school in the month of November! I though we were bad here at BU with no school in September, but its crazy; every year, 4 half days, veteran's day off and then Thanksgiving break. So then, in addition to juggling the crazy schedules are juggling work schedules and who is going to take off when to be with which child where...Phew; that was a mouthful! So I need to get used to these varied flight patterns and departures and take offs and then BAM; I need to acquire a couple of re-surging airlines for some additional scheduling; like maybe working out again and seeing if I can still run after 2 months off? maybe seeing friends once in a while , going to crafting, etc. Let me tell you how amazing it was on Saturday to go with just Autumn and spend TWO HOURS, that's right I said TWO HOURS at the Endicott Teachers Association Craft Fair; it was Heaven! I remember going to tons of church fairs and stuff with my Mom and Nanny on the weekends and I loved it even as a kid, never mind as an adult indulgence of which I don't get to partake too often. So, here's my challenge to all my female adult friends in the field with crazy schedules of their own; Can we do it? Can we find a time to be stereotypical women and spend a few hours one weekend day paruseing church and other fairs? We shall see.
Then of course there's holiday shopping AND making some semblance of normal healthy meals for my family. I know, I know, all the super mom books will tell you "its okay" to do take out, micro meals, etc. and I really don't want to play into being a manic Super Mom (though I admit I'm not too successful at evading this), but having once in a while healthy meals and sitting down together as a family is something I've prided myself on up until now. Maybe my balance will be, one week of quicky meals and then a week of healthy ones given my every other week manic schedule. We shall see, we shall see, we shall see. This however is why I have an air traffic controller's schedule; which is also what brings me to my millennial musings.
I recently posted on my facebook status that sometimes I want to have a millennial attitude. Its so true. Now, I know the millennial characteristics don't apply at all times, or even to all millennials (case in point, my fellow Res Life Mom who I'm pretty sure is a GenXer trapped in a millennial body); anywho, this is my musing so it is what it is :) Okay, so when I posted that status, this is what I meant; I want to be able to assert myself with whomever, and challenge others even when they're "authority" without fear of negative reprecussions. Seriously. This connects to the entire schedule thing; I promise. So, often my GenX counterparts and myself kvetch a bit about our millennial staff, students, family, etc. We don't hate; my staff, students, family, etc. who fit the millennial bill; I love you, I really do; but honestly, at times you drive me INSANE! One of the key issues is the strict parameters that millennials establish around their work and personal lives. We as genxers supervisors are like; seriously? Just do you freakin' job in the spirit in which it was intended (by this I usually refer to a live-in position). But this is my main musing about this prime issue with millennials; we're jealous and resentful. I guess we could attribute it to our GenX cynicism, but really, I think the issue is partly, yes, give it your all and do the damn job, but partly, we wish we could bring ourselves to do the same thing. Even when we can, we don't; Even when people tell me I can leave early, come late, skip something, I feel intense guilt about it; that's if I even do it. So this is my life; I've mentioned this before; constant guilt at work and home.
Even my colleagues and friends who are not moms, but have other important priorities in their lives experience this. A couple millennial friends/staff/etc last week made comments that brought this to light for me more than usual, BUT it was my day off on Thursday that really hit it home. So, I had this grandiose plan to come into work, leave for a few hours, come back on Thursday and Friday at different times to meet different needs with the air traffic controller schedule. Then, on Thursday morning, I realized our signals had crossed (we know what happens when that happens in air-traffic controlling; DISASTERS) and Kevin had an obligation for work when Abbie had her first school Halloween parade and party. In addition, I felt run down, crampy (yes, I also had PMS; WHAT OF IT??!!!) and generally like CRAP. So, I bit the bullet, called my boss (interestingly enough, ALSO a Genxr, so I worry about her response/thoughts) and took the entire day off. It was HEAVEN! When two of my friends posted on my facebook status, indicating my joy, about their jealousy, I commented to one of them something to the effect of : Did you know there are people out there who don't live their jobs? One of my faculty colleagues summed it up last week; he said, sometimes, I wonder, what would it be like to be a truck driver, or a job that when your shift was done; you left it behind at work and went home and focused on home. How true; I mean I get the salaried versus hourly and "other duties as assigned concept", though while its maintained our union prevents this from being in our contract, lets be honest, its in our contract :) But my day on Thursday was wonderful, relaxing and revitalizing. I slept in a wee bit, went to Abbie's preschool for her Halloween party, which was AWESOME :) then went home, took Autumn to lunch, dropped her off at home, went to her Parent Teacher conference, then went home and had a nice dinner and hung out with the family. It was great, great, great and I need to focus on WW(a)MD? What Would a Millennial Do? I think sometimes when I just need to be a person, or a mom or a wife or whatever and if I have the time, TAKE IT. So what if I have to reschedule something, missing one day of work, one meeting, etc. isn't going to make or break my success as a professional. In fact, because I come back so positive, it may just make me a better professional, and it DEFINITELY makes me a better mom and wife!
Thursday, October 9, 2008
How much can one brain hold?
So, I was thinking yesterday or today (see, I don't even remember which!), how much really, can one ResLifeMom's brain hold; seriously...
We wonder why we have this insane generation of millennial students at our universities and helicopter and stealth bomb parents on our campus landing pads; I get it! Really, the kids are just doing what they've been doing for 18 years (or 23 or 27...right Jen? Traditional age has changed?) as are the parents. I'm realizing that the amount of stuff, just for my kids that I"m required to remember, AND not only remember, BUT find time to GET DONE...is staggering! Never mind, a house and being a wife, and OH, being an employee in a crazy field! Because on any given day, I might need to remember and accomplish the following (ahem..in no particular order):
Decide what to have for dinner
Pick package for the pre-school photos
Sign up to walk the pre-schoolers to the fire station
Remember to ask for a half day to walk the pre-schoolers to the fire station
Remember to re-schedule the one on one that is cancelled due to the half-day off to walk the pre-schoolers to the fire station
Have the form filled out and NOTARIZED to use the oldest's school for Girl Scout meetings
Make grocery list
Defrost what's for dinner
Type out notes from learning community meeting and send out
Get the EXACT? (seriously!) menu for a Homecoming brunch and email it the appropriate person
Fill out the grade school book order form AND write the check
Get the flannel sheets out of storage and wash those
Sew patches on the girl scout vest
Call the doctor to pick up health form for 4th grade AND copy off date of last tetanus shot onto soccer form
Have said soccer form NOTARIZED
Sign another form agreeing to not go CRAZY PARENT LIVING VICARIOUSLY THOUGH THEIR KID on a soccer ref
Come up with something for the preschooler to wear to school on picture day
Get to the Girl Scout store to buy badges for all girls in the troop
Remember to put on calendar that SunDAY there is no religion class, but drag the ENTIRE family to the performance at church that night
Clean the damn bathroom before the in-laws get here
Buy a storage bin for preschoolers "memories"
Remember to nag husband about locks on the bathroom and bedroom doors
Remember to tell colleague and friend that I listed them as an emergency contact
Buy soccer cleats
Respond individually to 20 college student journals
Remember to schedule dentist appointment for oldest
Remember to schedule eye doctor appointment for oldest
Get my eyes checked...its been 3 years for goodness sakes!
Get to the ATM to activate the NEACUHO debit card
Get time to meet with Chris to use the debit card to buy a domain name
Get to the bank to find out if I can sign the Girl Scout Troop checks and deposit dues
Get to the Girl Scout Council office to turn in forms
Follow up with past student who is now advisor for NEACURH conference on what if any accomodations they've been able to make for Jewish student Sabbath observance
Respond to resident parent about judicial that the student is lying about to said parent, but I can't tell them that
what exactly could I have for lunch tomorrow?
Get to Planet Fitness to join
Review student reaction papers
plan online parent class for next week
Plan time to get both girls to Party City to decide upon a Halloween costume
Respond to parent email about Girl Scouts
Find and buy a new fall/winter bedding set
Buy more "big girl underwear" for a certain someone who is staying dry though naps
Call my mom
Coordinate evening schedules with Kevin to his religion class and my government meetings
Cancel the sitter when government cancels their meeting and reschedule for another time and then re-do entire coming in for government schedule
Find a babysitter
Get to the ATM to pay a babysitter
Submit time sheets
Give feedback on new housing project
Wonder if I'll ever get to use my new ipod or have the time to load MY songs on it
Water the mums (why do mine look like shit no matter what compared to the neighbors)
Where am I goign to take the in-laws for dinner this weekend
Do one of any number of agendas for a variety of meetings
Forward a candidate email to the Search Chair
Plan training for a new staff member
Determine what snack I could donate to the Class Basket for the raffle, buy it and send it in
Determine what treat I could bring for the pre-school Halloween party
Get pre-schooler's 3 year old bloodwork done....a month later
Maybe reschedule my haircut
I need some new pants and fall/winter clothes in general
I don't even exagerate when I say all these things could be flying around in my head in any given day. Its INSANE! The level that require of parental involvement too is staggering. I mean, I just made parents do it for Girl Scouts, so who am I to say anything, but...
it still speaks to my point about parental involvement in this generation of students and children and why its so difficult for parents to let go. People say its because my girls are younger, but in fact, I work with a number of 45-55 year olds with high school and college students and they do the same; flext here to get to the recital, then fit in working the booster booth at the game, before leaving and driving the younger one off to their practice...its insane, insane, INSANE!
Did I mention its insane?
So anyway, my initial question was how much can one brain hold? Apparently a lot, BUT at what cost? Health? being late? Forgetting things? Not doing everything to full quality? I know, what about Kevin, you say. See, here's the deal; I have guilt! So I need to own that! Kevin, because he makes his own schedule (I know I"m lucky here) is home with Abbie noon-5:30 and Autumn 3-5:30 on Mondays, home with both girls 3-5:30 on Tuesdays through Thursdays and home with Abbie all day and Autumn 3-5:3o pm on Fridays, so sometimes I have guilt about saying, oh, and I need to go to this or that. Also, both girls have a high need for just me time for very different reasons. How do I build that in? My lovely mentee and co-leader for Girl Scouts, though not a Mom yet, had a wonderful idea about rotating weekend mornings or afternoons with each girl. Then of course there's family time to fit in though and lest we forget, the ever-elusive Kevin and I time. Its horrible, because these days, I don't want to travel anywhere to see anyone on the weekends; it takes away free time and creates more work that needs to be fit in elsewhere during the week. For example, we're goign to Kevin's brother and our sister-in-law's in two weeks FOR AN OVERNIGHT...IN NEW HAMPSHIRE...6 HOURS AWAY!....UGH! I would give anything for them to say, "oh, we have something that came up with our practice (they're Docs) and we can't have you up" ...oh that would be lovely! Though then again, I'm already half way there in CT at a NEACUHO e-board meeting, so what's it matter at that point. Plus, now my in-laws are expecting us to stay Friday night before we head up to NH and really, whom am I to deny them seeing their son and grand-daughters; especially that I moved them ALL THE WAY OUT HERE to NY, because what are they going to do when they're older and can't come out here (as if staying just about 24 hours, with 8 of those sleeping is a lot to begin with). Plus, you need to sort of equal out the visits between the in-laws and my TWO sets of parents (oh, the joy of divorce and remarriage...it still affects you at age 37!).
So, people often wonder why I blog, read, plan facebook bowling at 12am; um....did you just read my blog?
That is all, because though I'm not tired now, I will be dying for a nap all weekend and can't get them because I"m grocery shopping two days earlier than anticipated, shuttling the preschooler to gymnastics, cleaning the house, entertaining the in-laws, attending a travel soccer parents meeting (that's RIGHT! After the rant you just saw, I said TRAVEL soccer...), hang out while the girly practices, work on the social studies project, spend time with the girls, plan something fun to do on Monday when we're all off and maybe, JUST maybe, take a nap, but....probably not!
Maybe more on my first experience as a Girl Scout leader later this weekend...oh, oh, or on being Chair of a Host Committee for a professional conference...
We wonder why we have this insane generation of millennial students at our universities and helicopter and stealth bomb parents on our campus landing pads; I get it! Really, the kids are just doing what they've been doing for 18 years (or 23 or 27...right Jen? Traditional age has changed?) as are the parents. I'm realizing that the amount of stuff, just for my kids that I"m required to remember, AND not only remember, BUT find time to GET DONE...is staggering! Never mind, a house and being a wife, and OH, being an employee in a crazy field! Because on any given day, I might need to remember and accomplish the following (ahem..in no particular order):
Decide what to have for dinner
Pick package for the pre-school photos
Sign up to walk the pre-schoolers to the fire station
Remember to ask for a half day to walk the pre-schoolers to the fire station
Remember to re-schedule the one on one that is cancelled due to the half-day off to walk the pre-schoolers to the fire station
Have the form filled out and NOTARIZED to use the oldest's school for Girl Scout meetings
Make grocery list
Defrost what's for dinner
Type out notes from learning community meeting and send out
Get the EXACT? (seriously!) menu for a Homecoming brunch and email it the appropriate person
Fill out the grade school book order form AND write the check
Get the flannel sheets out of storage and wash those
Sew patches on the girl scout vest
Call the doctor to pick up health form for 4th grade AND copy off date of last tetanus shot onto soccer form
Have said soccer form NOTARIZED
Sign another form agreeing to not go CRAZY PARENT LIVING VICARIOUSLY THOUGH THEIR KID on a soccer ref
Come up with something for the preschooler to wear to school on picture day
Get to the Girl Scout store to buy badges for all girls in the troop
Remember to put on calendar that SunDAY there is no religion class, but drag the ENTIRE family to the performance at church that night
Clean the damn bathroom before the in-laws get here
Buy a storage bin for preschoolers "memories"
Remember to nag husband about locks on the bathroom and bedroom doors
Remember to tell colleague and friend that I listed them as an emergency contact
Buy soccer cleats
Respond individually to 20 college student journals
Remember to schedule dentist appointment for oldest
Remember to schedule eye doctor appointment for oldest
Get my eyes checked...its been 3 years for goodness sakes!
Get to the ATM to activate the NEACUHO debit card
Get time to meet with Chris to use the debit card to buy a domain name
Get to the bank to find out if I can sign the Girl Scout Troop checks and deposit dues
Get to the Girl Scout Council office to turn in forms
Follow up with past student who is now advisor for NEACURH conference on what if any accomodations they've been able to make for Jewish student Sabbath observance
Respond to resident parent about judicial that the student is lying about to said parent, but I can't tell them that
what exactly could I have for lunch tomorrow?
Get to Planet Fitness to join
Review student reaction papers
plan online parent class for next week
Plan time to get both girls to Party City to decide upon a Halloween costume
Respond to parent email about Girl Scouts
Find and buy a new fall/winter bedding set
Buy more "big girl underwear" for a certain someone who is staying dry though naps
Call my mom
Coordinate evening schedules with Kevin to his religion class and my government meetings
Cancel the sitter when government cancels their meeting and reschedule for another time and then re-do entire coming in for government schedule
Find a babysitter
Get to the ATM to pay a babysitter
Submit time sheets
Give feedback on new housing project
Wonder if I'll ever get to use my new ipod or have the time to load MY songs on it
Water the mums (why do mine look like shit no matter what compared to the neighbors)
Where am I goign to take the in-laws for dinner this weekend
Do one of any number of agendas for a variety of meetings
Forward a candidate email to the Search Chair
Plan training for a new staff member
Determine what snack I could donate to the Class Basket for the raffle, buy it and send it in
Determine what treat I could bring for the pre-school Halloween party
Get pre-schooler's 3 year old bloodwork done....a month later
Maybe reschedule my haircut
I need some new pants and fall/winter clothes in general
I don't even exagerate when I say all these things could be flying around in my head in any given day. Its INSANE! The level that require of parental involvement too is staggering. I mean, I just made parents do it for Girl Scouts, so who am I to say anything, but...
it still speaks to my point about parental involvement in this generation of students and children and why its so difficult for parents to let go. People say its because my girls are younger, but in fact, I work with a number of 45-55 year olds with high school and college students and they do the same; flext here to get to the recital, then fit in working the booster booth at the game, before leaving and driving the younger one off to their practice...its insane, insane, INSANE!
Did I mention its insane?
So anyway, my initial question was how much can one brain hold? Apparently a lot, BUT at what cost? Health? being late? Forgetting things? Not doing everything to full quality? I know, what about Kevin, you say. See, here's the deal; I have guilt! So I need to own that! Kevin, because he makes his own schedule (I know I"m lucky here) is home with Abbie noon-5:30 and Autumn 3-5:30 on Mondays, home with both girls 3-5:30 on Tuesdays through Thursdays and home with Abbie all day and Autumn 3-5:3o pm on Fridays, so sometimes I have guilt about saying, oh, and I need to go to this or that. Also, both girls have a high need for just me time for very different reasons. How do I build that in? My lovely mentee and co-leader for Girl Scouts, though not a Mom yet, had a wonderful idea about rotating weekend mornings or afternoons with each girl. Then of course there's family time to fit in though and lest we forget, the ever-elusive Kevin and I time. Its horrible, because these days, I don't want to travel anywhere to see anyone on the weekends; it takes away free time and creates more work that needs to be fit in elsewhere during the week. For example, we're goign to Kevin's brother and our sister-in-law's in two weeks FOR AN OVERNIGHT...IN NEW HAMPSHIRE...6 HOURS AWAY!....UGH! I would give anything for them to say, "oh, we have something that came up with our practice (they're Docs) and we can't have you up" ...oh that would be lovely! Though then again, I'm already half way there in CT at a NEACUHO e-board meeting, so what's it matter at that point. Plus, now my in-laws are expecting us to stay Friday night before we head up to NH and really, whom am I to deny them seeing their son and grand-daughters; especially that I moved them ALL THE WAY OUT HERE to NY, because what are they going to do when they're older and can't come out here (as if staying just about 24 hours, with 8 of those sleeping is a lot to begin with). Plus, you need to sort of equal out the visits between the in-laws and my TWO sets of parents (oh, the joy of divorce and remarriage...it still affects you at age 37!).
So, people often wonder why I blog, read, plan facebook bowling at 12am; um....did you just read my blog?
That is all, because though I'm not tired now, I will be dying for a nap all weekend and can't get them because I"m grocery shopping two days earlier than anticipated, shuttling the preschooler to gymnastics, cleaning the house, entertaining the in-laws, attending a travel soccer parents meeting (that's RIGHT! After the rant you just saw, I said TRAVEL soccer...), hang out while the girly practices, work on the social studies project, spend time with the girls, plan something fun to do on Monday when we're all off and maybe, JUST maybe, take a nap, but....probably not!
Maybe more on my first experience as a Girl Scout leader later this weekend...oh, oh, or on being Chair of a Host Committee for a professional conference...
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
a sick mommy, biting and politics...oh my!
So, I'm done with being sick; seriously, I'm done. And right, I know; no one likes being sick. However, being sick as a ResLife Mommy is doubley sucky I think! (I'm sure many of my single or childless, or I have other responsibilities friends would disagree, but its my feelings and I"m owning it, okay?!) It started last week with the crazy throat on fire, cut up by shards of glass feeling, followed by the sinus issue, followed by maybe a one day reprieve and them BAM, a stomach thing, followed immediately by a chest cough (which incidentally is even worse when one's abs haven't recovered from the trauma of retching). I tried to make it today; I really did. I drove 15 minutes into the office just to empy my deleted box in my email because for whatever reason I can't do it at home. Mind you, this is while I still frankly, feel like crap, had to drop Autumn off at school because she missed her bus and remember on the WAY into work that actually my staff meeting was off-campus today. So, I drive the 15 minutes in, chat with my secretary, delete the damn email (which by the way, is very hard for me to do as I live in constant paranoia of needing to "prove" something regarding an email to a supervisor; however, with no time to review 485 emails, I just take a deep breath and delete). So, I do this deed, talke to one of my RDs about it and then drive back home to change out of the stupid dress clothes into jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt, to drive to the apple farm to meet my staff AND get stopped in one lane road work in the boonies of Maine, NY! So, I'm half an hour late to meet my staff. We have a quick breakfast and casual discussion (thank goodness there was nothing major to chat about) and then pick a few apples. My legs literally felt like LEAD as did my head; signed, sealed, delivered...I'm done; going home.
So, I go home, check email again, respond to a few things and decided, I need to go back to bed, and so I do, for 2 hours! Fast forward to the family coming home. Autumn comes home first. I hear her call me so I yell, I'm up here to which she chooses to ignore me and proceed to her room muttering; clearly upset. I call her several times and finally get her to come into the room (head too heavy to get up). To which she's clearly pissed. After some coaxing the tears come and our spills the drama...half an hours worth..>LITERALLY! This girl said this, this girl said that, maybe I should just be done with this friendship, etc., etc. I try to just listen and reflect what she was saying, I try to have the realistic conversation; (ie: some people you'll be friendly with, but you'll learn who your real friends are); nothing works. The entire time I'm thinking; what do I even do here? I need a book to reference or something...Not that I don't think I can connect, I do, but its back to this parenting a "tween" in this age. She's literally dealing with emotional and social turmoil that I did in middle school. Now, most people I know think middle school was the most atrocious thing in the world because of the hell we all put each other through. Now kids are dealing with thie 3-5 years earlier than that. We didn't have the emotional intelligence or cognition to deal with it at 11-13. How are they supposed to at 9 I ask? So finally she just rants herself done and seems to be able to move on. We'll see what the school day holds tomorrow. Now, I try to NOT NOT NOT become the type of parent that I see in Res Life work; the stealth bomber. Sometimes I wonder though if I'm pushing to hard to not be "that parent" that I"m not giving her what she needs. I worry that she's running with the "cool" group and isn't developing any real close friendships; girlfriends (real ones) are so important I think. ARGH! So on the one end, I feel her pain, but on the other, I'm trying to just be supportive. I want to say the ditch the bitchy girls and be friends with the nice ones, but I know how that would have made me feel; that my Mom "so didn't get it", so I don't do that, but I wonder if I'm missing something.
Enter Kevin and Abbie: Autumn shuts the door on Kevin (as she so does NOT want to talk to him about this...her attitude, not mine) and just about lets Abbie in; who just wants to tell me about her new friend Emma; not what Autumn wants to hear in her grouchy, nobody likes me, everbody hates me, I guess I'll eat some worms moment (or 30 moments, whatever). Eventually though, Abbie dons some silly glasses and a hat and make Autumn laugh; aaahh positive sister relationships. We all go out to the living room. Abbie plays, Autumn works on her homework and I work on work stuff on the laptop. Then the usual debate begins; what's for dinner; the PRESSURE! I'm sick; I don't want to eat, much less make anything so we agree on leftovers.
Kevin wanders downstairs to the computer and I am in the kitchen doing I don't even know what, and I hear Autumn whining or something. My ears perk up, but its one of those, is she laughing, crying, whining bits or what. Then I realize its sobbing. It hurts!~ Stop! I run in just in time to grab Abbie to have Autumn yell between sobs; she bit me! Did I mention Abbie is going through a biting phase? I don't even look first because I know when Autumn is how she looked, its not her usual drama. I yell down to Kevin to get up there and in Abbie goes for a time out. I look at the bite and its broken the skin and drawn blood; great! So, after calling the on call nurse, we determine just a good washing and tylenol for the pain will suffice and I need to keep my eye on it for infection and put ice on it every hour or so until the swelling goes down. We have a conversation with Abbie about biting again (where the heck is she getting this?), she apologizes to Autumn and gives her a hug and a kiss. All seems okay; then comes dinner. Abbie at some point decides she doesn't want her dinner and dumps it into the sink and proceeds to the pantry (clearly for something more interesting to eat...like a 100 cal pack of chocolate covered pretzel, mayhaps?). I put the kabbash on that; she's not happy. Then there's some flinging of seat cushions. Kevin and I decide; enough is enough and in she goes to bed. Kevin gives her the usual sippy cup of milk which she proceeds to spit out. and...no sippy cup now! Needless to say, I'm pretty sure some preschooler and tween PMS just hit my house in one 3 hour time span while I also am down and out; what else could explain such madness? One of my friends insists her 4 year old has a "cycle"; I'm am damn well coming close to counting days like she suggested; I mean seriously!
So, then I'm finishing up getting something small for Autumn and I to eat for dinner and there's election crap on tv; yes, I called it election crap! I am so friggin' sick of election crap I could puke again like Monday night! I hate, hate, hate election time because I really, really think it brings out the worst in people. I am counting down the day until this damn election is over and we can all get over it and move on regardless of who we wanted to win (or in my case, which candidate I forced myself to vote for because its my damn civic duty!). I've taken this interesting journey over the past 15 years of so of being pretty dang liberal politically (took a newsweek rate political stance and place you next to a politician; I was between [at that time] Jesse Jackson and Ted Kennedy...'nuff said!) to pretty much, being a moderate, indpendent, or just a, I look at each candidate, their stances on important issues to me, their personalities, how they conduct themselves, etc., etc.. And frankly, I have mixed feelings even on issues that are important to me. I was thinking of this the other day in terms of my strengthsquest test (seriously, can you believe I'm mentioning this?!) and that one of my greatest strengths is empathy. So, in one point in the description, it mentions how those who have this strength can completely disagree with someone's views, choices, behavior, etc, but still "understand" where they're coming from and their point of view. I really think this is why I hate election time. Because, I legimately don't agree with all views of either major party so I don't vote along party lines. Also, because of this, I have a really hard time understanding how extremists on both sides can be so vicious and stereotype each other. And this is coming from someone who has a husband who while not an "extremist", is pretty conservative and friends who though not all are "extremists" are pretty liberal and loves them all (in different ways of course..>LOL!). I work in an environment that is ultra-liberal and it makes me wonder as an independent moderate, who just on that premise alone, keeps her mouth shut most of the time, how constricting it musth be for a conservative who is a student or staff member there and how marginalized they must feel. On the other hand, I look at some people in my faith (Christian, but Protestant to Catholic convert) who are ultra-conservative and it certainly makes me realize while people fall away from their faith. I think its such a shame both ways. Anyway, I need to finally just vent these frustrations because I'm immersed in them everywhere and often feel the need to just turn it off with my family, colleagues and friends who are all fired up one way or another all the time. I found this blog that I though rather insightful that sums much of my feelings up (I'm not sure I agree with the way #19 is written..perhaps more of a balance in some of this, but anyhow... overall its a good summary!)
http://afrankangle.wordpress.com/2008/09/22/its-great-being-an-independent-moderate
Okay, so now I feel much better. For my friends, family and colleagues who are reading this; take note :) you've captured one of the few times I'll speak either in writing or verbally about my political viewpoints specifically because of this issue; the lack of a "safe space" in many cases for those of varying political ideations to be able to constructively and kindly share views...and still be friends :) its just too damn emotionally charged. Ask Kevin who's seen me have emotional outbursts over political discussions; he knows me better than anyone.
Well, now that I"ve discussed the topic I hate most right now (can you believe I entered college as a Poli Sci major? (SNORT!), I feel the need, for both myself and others, to move on to lighter matters; namely popsicles and jello:
So, jello...I've had a lot of it over the past couple of days with this stomach bug. And really, I always forget how tasty it is until I have a stomach bug. The way you can squelch it around in your mouth until its like juice...awesome. But, this is what I wonder: (any thoughts would be appreciated) what is it that makes jello made from a box tastier than the jello cups? Is it just the standard, homemade is always better? Maybe. But really, I mean come on! You mix powder and hot and cold water and put it in the fridge; what kind of homemade is that?!
And popsicles: I must take a vote; who eats the organge ones first? And who leaves them for last? See, I am of the latter persuasion and in my cherry/grape centric world view, I just assumed everyone left the orange behind. I was musing on this yesterday. You know, we busy res lifers who are also Moms are forced to lay low and we have to keep our minds working somehow. I was ready to question Hood and similar companies market research, but before doing so, I did a bit of my own. Do you know just on my staff like 1/3 favor the orange? Outrageous! I never knew. Well, my eyes are opened and may I be more inclusive because of it!
Though, I will say to a certain colleague, that you can't make your passion for orange popsicles point based on orange juice or creamsicles; it just doesn't work!
Wow! I've talked mimimal ResLife today; check that out! Well, ya know, just playing the game in a way...you never know who might end up on here :)
and with that I'm off to have a popsicle maybe, admittedly grape if I can find one. And then I'm off to bed to get sleep before my big day of Res Life meetings. As a Provost once said he responded to someone asking him what he does...."I meet" So, I'm off to go do what an AD does.
Later gators!
So, I go home, check email again, respond to a few things and decided, I need to go back to bed, and so I do, for 2 hours! Fast forward to the family coming home. Autumn comes home first. I hear her call me so I yell, I'm up here to which she chooses to ignore me and proceed to her room muttering; clearly upset. I call her several times and finally get her to come into the room (head too heavy to get up). To which she's clearly pissed. After some coaxing the tears come and our spills the drama...half an hours worth..>LITERALLY! This girl said this, this girl said that, maybe I should just be done with this friendship, etc., etc. I try to just listen and reflect what she was saying, I try to have the realistic conversation; (ie: some people you'll be friendly with, but you'll learn who your real friends are); nothing works. The entire time I'm thinking; what do I even do here? I need a book to reference or something...Not that I don't think I can connect, I do, but its back to this parenting a "tween" in this age. She's literally dealing with emotional and social turmoil that I did in middle school. Now, most people I know think middle school was the most atrocious thing in the world because of the hell we all put each other through. Now kids are dealing with thie 3-5 years earlier than that. We didn't have the emotional intelligence or cognition to deal with it at 11-13. How are they supposed to at 9 I ask? So finally she just rants herself done and seems to be able to move on. We'll see what the school day holds tomorrow. Now, I try to NOT NOT NOT become the type of parent that I see in Res Life work; the stealth bomber. Sometimes I wonder though if I'm pushing to hard to not be "that parent" that I"m not giving her what she needs. I worry that she's running with the "cool" group and isn't developing any real close friendships; girlfriends (real ones) are so important I think. ARGH! So on the one end, I feel her pain, but on the other, I'm trying to just be supportive. I want to say the ditch the bitchy girls and be friends with the nice ones, but I know how that would have made me feel; that my Mom "so didn't get it", so I don't do that, but I wonder if I'm missing something.
Enter Kevin and Abbie: Autumn shuts the door on Kevin (as she so does NOT want to talk to him about this...her attitude, not mine) and just about lets Abbie in; who just wants to tell me about her new friend Emma; not what Autumn wants to hear in her grouchy, nobody likes me, everbody hates me, I guess I'll eat some worms moment (or 30 moments, whatever). Eventually though, Abbie dons some silly glasses and a hat and make Autumn laugh; aaahh positive sister relationships. We all go out to the living room. Abbie plays, Autumn works on her homework and I work on work stuff on the laptop. Then the usual debate begins; what's for dinner; the PRESSURE! I'm sick; I don't want to eat, much less make anything so we agree on leftovers.
Kevin wanders downstairs to the computer and I am in the kitchen doing I don't even know what, and I hear Autumn whining or something. My ears perk up, but its one of those, is she laughing, crying, whining bits or what. Then I realize its sobbing. It hurts!~ Stop! I run in just in time to grab Abbie to have Autumn yell between sobs; she bit me! Did I mention Abbie is going through a biting phase? I don't even look first because I know when Autumn is how she looked, its not her usual drama. I yell down to Kevin to get up there and in Abbie goes for a time out. I look at the bite and its broken the skin and drawn blood; great! So, after calling the on call nurse, we determine just a good washing and tylenol for the pain will suffice and I need to keep my eye on it for infection and put ice on it every hour or so until the swelling goes down. We have a conversation with Abbie about biting again (where the heck is she getting this?), she apologizes to Autumn and gives her a hug and a kiss. All seems okay; then comes dinner. Abbie at some point decides she doesn't want her dinner and dumps it into the sink and proceeds to the pantry (clearly for something more interesting to eat...like a 100 cal pack of chocolate covered pretzel, mayhaps?). I put the kabbash on that; she's not happy. Then there's some flinging of seat cushions. Kevin and I decide; enough is enough and in she goes to bed. Kevin gives her the usual sippy cup of milk which she proceeds to spit out. and...no sippy cup now! Needless to say, I'm pretty sure some preschooler and tween PMS just hit my house in one 3 hour time span while I also am down and out; what else could explain such madness? One of my friends insists her 4 year old has a "cycle"; I'm am damn well coming close to counting days like she suggested; I mean seriously!
So, then I'm finishing up getting something small for Autumn and I to eat for dinner and there's election crap on tv; yes, I called it election crap! I am so friggin' sick of election crap I could puke again like Monday night! I hate, hate, hate election time because I really, really think it brings out the worst in people. I am counting down the day until this damn election is over and we can all get over it and move on regardless of who we wanted to win (or in my case, which candidate I forced myself to vote for because its my damn civic duty!). I've taken this interesting journey over the past 15 years of so of being pretty dang liberal politically (took a newsweek rate political stance and place you next to a politician; I was between [at that time] Jesse Jackson and Ted Kennedy...'nuff said!) to pretty much, being a moderate, indpendent, or just a, I look at each candidate, their stances on important issues to me, their personalities, how they conduct themselves, etc., etc.. And frankly, I have mixed feelings even on issues that are important to me. I was thinking of this the other day in terms of my strengthsquest test (seriously, can you believe I'm mentioning this?!) and that one of my greatest strengths is empathy. So, in one point in the description, it mentions how those who have this strength can completely disagree with someone's views, choices, behavior, etc, but still "understand" where they're coming from and their point of view. I really think this is why I hate election time. Because, I legimately don't agree with all views of either major party so I don't vote along party lines. Also, because of this, I have a really hard time understanding how extremists on both sides can be so vicious and stereotype each other. And this is coming from someone who has a husband who while not an "extremist", is pretty conservative and friends who though not all are "extremists" are pretty liberal and loves them all (in different ways of course..>LOL!). I work in an environment that is ultra-liberal and it makes me wonder as an independent moderate, who just on that premise alone, keeps her mouth shut most of the time, how constricting it musth be for a conservative who is a student or staff member there and how marginalized they must feel. On the other hand, I look at some people in my faith (Christian, but Protestant to Catholic convert) who are ultra-conservative and it certainly makes me realize while people fall away from their faith. I think its such a shame both ways. Anyway, I need to finally just vent these frustrations because I'm immersed in them everywhere and often feel the need to just turn it off with my family, colleagues and friends who are all fired up one way or another all the time. I found this blog that I though rather insightful that sums much of my feelings up (I'm not sure I agree with the way #19 is written..perhaps more of a balance in some of this, but anyhow... overall its a good summary!)
http://afrankangle.wordpress.com/2008/09/22/its-great-being-an-independent-moderate
Okay, so now I feel much better. For my friends, family and colleagues who are reading this; take note :) you've captured one of the few times I'll speak either in writing or verbally about my political viewpoints specifically because of this issue; the lack of a "safe space" in many cases for those of varying political ideations to be able to constructively and kindly share views...and still be friends :) its just too damn emotionally charged. Ask Kevin who's seen me have emotional outbursts over political discussions; he knows me better than anyone.
Well, now that I"ve discussed the topic I hate most right now (can you believe I entered college as a Poli Sci major? (SNORT!), I feel the need, for both myself and others, to move on to lighter matters; namely popsicles and jello:
So, jello...I've had a lot of it over the past couple of days with this stomach bug. And really, I always forget how tasty it is until I have a stomach bug. The way you can squelch it around in your mouth until its like juice...awesome. But, this is what I wonder: (any thoughts would be appreciated) what is it that makes jello made from a box tastier than the jello cups? Is it just the standard, homemade is always better? Maybe. But really, I mean come on! You mix powder and hot and cold water and put it in the fridge; what kind of homemade is that?!
And popsicles: I must take a vote; who eats the organge ones first? And who leaves them for last? See, I am of the latter persuasion and in my cherry/grape centric world view, I just assumed everyone left the orange behind. I was musing on this yesterday. You know, we busy res lifers who are also Moms are forced to lay low and we have to keep our minds working somehow. I was ready to question Hood and similar companies market research, but before doing so, I did a bit of my own. Do you know just on my staff like 1/3 favor the orange? Outrageous! I never knew. Well, my eyes are opened and may I be more inclusive because of it!
Though, I will say to a certain colleague, that you can't make your passion for orange popsicles point based on orange juice or creamsicles; it just doesn't work!
Wow! I've talked mimimal ResLife today; check that out! Well, ya know, just playing the game in a way...you never know who might end up on here :)
and with that I'm off to have a popsicle maybe, admittedly grape if I can find one. And then I'm off to bed to get sleep before my big day of Res Life meetings. As a Provost once said he responded to someone asking him what he does...."I meet" So, I'm off to go do what an AD does.
Later gators!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
A Pre-Schooler Meltdown...and no 1st Inservice
So, the husband is in Atlantic City tonight with his company; probably blowing money at the slots...HUMPF! Better not be; my birthday is this weekend.
Anyway, so I was on my own for tonight and tomorrow night with the girls, which would be fine, except that our first RA inservice for the area starts tonight. So, I engaged a sitter; or so I thought. She later decided because she's such a devoted student leader, that she had to go to a hall meeting to guide the underclassmen...note, she no longer lives on campus. So, I'm without a sitter. I decide, okay, it might be tough, but I'll just bring the girls with me to inservice.
SMACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That was reality smacking me upside the head!
So, Abbie, the youngest, started pre-school last week. She loves it! However, Kevin has mentioned and I have to give credit here, he's home with her Monday afternoons and Tuesday-Thursday from 3 on and Fridays all day, that she's giving up her naps; at least on days she in school all day...which is really the worst day because she's the most tired from school wearing her out. She's be getting overtired then right after dinner and just being difficult.
So of course, this would happen again tonight. I'm trying to help Autumn with homework and she's being pretty darn good about it lately; so I'm really, REALLY trying to reinforce that. Abbie is OUT OF CONTROL. She's throwing her my little ponies on Autumn's homework as she's doing it; and Autumn has attention issues with homework as is! Then we try to convince her she can do "homework" like Autumn and "work" like Mommy. Mind you, Mommy's "work" involved flippin' transcribing her life for the next several weeks to a hard copy calendar because her PDA bit the dust. She's told another one is on the way, but not without sufficient guilt of the cost given budget cuts. Anywho, the pretend homework/work, doesn't last long as then, apparently, coloring on your sister's homework is more fun. Autumn then gets mad to which Abbie reacts and in a fit, colors on the carpet (enter little voice in Kristin's head that says...she just can't have crayons unsupervised...in Kevin's voice) during which time, Autumn and I are trying to wrestle the crayon out of Abbie's hand. Abbie has like 4 times outs; some in the time out spot (love seat), some in her room with the gate up out of desperation to help Autumn with her homework. She finally zonks out completely in bed in her room.
Autumn finishes her homework, I get the crayon cleaned up, Kevin calls, I get on the computer for a few minutes. I'm debating about this entire inservice thing. Autumn really wants to go to Friendly's and come into work with me. Abbie's sleeping I say. I go back and forth and ultimately decided to go. We rouse Abbie (barely) from sleep and head out to Friendly's. We get seated quickly and the girls for once, have decided well before the server comes what they want. The food comes reasonably quickly, but its Friendly's, with a 9 and 3 year old, who I'm dragging in to an RA inservice (I'll get to my frustration about this later!); MUST...HAVE...ICE....CREAM! right? So, I specifically say to the server when she comes to take the first plate away, that I'd like to order the ice cream now to go and have the check done immediately. 15 minutes later....
So, now we're running late, Abbie recovered for about 25 minutes in the restaurant, but began whining and squirming toward the end. Now I'm running late, AS THE AD MIND YOU, for an RA inservice, the first of the year with a over-tired, grouchy pre-schooler and an over-tired grouchy self! About a third of the way there during some whining about not being able to see ice cream and noticing that BOTH girls were covered in chocolate and whip cream and Autumn commenting to Abbie, "yup, Mom's stressed"...I felt like responding in Hannah Montana fashion..."YA, THINK?" I pull out the cell and call Bill (my Faculty Master). I tell him, I have guilt, I feel bad, I shouldn't do this, but I can't do THIS...bring too way too tired girls to an RA inservice for by the time I get there, 40 minutes, for get this A GET TO KNOW YOU GAME!!!!
Which brings up to the greater issue why I finally decide enough is enough. I mean really, the best that could be come up with is that? And I have to drive 20 minutes in, to stay an hour, do nothing, but watch people get to know each other and drive 20 minutes home. and so, guilt and all, though supported by Bill who will make my apologies and excuses, I u-turn the car around on the Vestal Parkway and go home.
I give Abbie a bath, my Dad calls. I finally talk to him for the first time in 2 months; sad I know, but true. I do this while simultaneously giving Abbie a bath, getting her out and into her pjs and getting Autumn into the shower. I eventually get both girls to bed, unload and reload the dishwasher, put away the folded laundry from LAST WEEK :) and sort the new laundry that has spontaneously reproduced, email about Girl Scouts, play on facebook, do more laundry and write this blog. And still, 4 hours after the u-turn on the Vestal Parkway, I still feel the guilt.
Am I a bad AD (no of course is the answer)? Will the RAs think I don't care and am not invested (maybe some, others will understand)? Would I hear it if "people" knew? (probably in a passive agressive way)? But in reality, I just needed to make this decision when weighing everything, including it being the first inservice, the topic (completely pointless for me being there and probably thrown together last minute) and my girls' needs (sleep, no stress, baths/showers, and just mommy), that they came first in this case.
And then I think, I sooooo want time off. And I wonder, how does my mentor, Beth, also have two kids (a bit older, but still! only by a few years for one of them), work full-time outside the home as a CHO AND is starting her doctorate. I don't know that I could do it; even 3 years from now when my oldest is her oldest's age. Nope. Maybe 6-7 years from now when I'm her age, I'll be in a different place. Maybe I'll have overcome the Superwoman Blackout Syndrome by then. Maybe I won't be on 10 additional committees on top of my job.
And maybe I won't be on the computer at midnight blogging instead of going to bed...
which makes me think...
its time to not be on the computer and go to bed.
Good night!
Anyway, so I was on my own for tonight and tomorrow night with the girls, which would be fine, except that our first RA inservice for the area starts tonight. So, I engaged a sitter; or so I thought. She later decided because she's such a devoted student leader, that she had to go to a hall meeting to guide the underclassmen...note, she no longer lives on campus. So, I'm without a sitter. I decide, okay, it might be tough, but I'll just bring the girls with me to inservice.
SMACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That was reality smacking me upside the head!
So, Abbie, the youngest, started pre-school last week. She loves it! However, Kevin has mentioned and I have to give credit here, he's home with her Monday afternoons and Tuesday-Thursday from 3 on and Fridays all day, that she's giving up her naps; at least on days she in school all day...which is really the worst day because she's the most tired from school wearing her out. She's be getting overtired then right after dinner and just being difficult.
So of course, this would happen again tonight. I'm trying to help Autumn with homework and she's being pretty darn good about it lately; so I'm really, REALLY trying to reinforce that. Abbie is OUT OF CONTROL. She's throwing her my little ponies on Autumn's homework as she's doing it; and Autumn has attention issues with homework as is! Then we try to convince her she can do "homework" like Autumn and "work" like Mommy. Mind you, Mommy's "work" involved flippin' transcribing her life for the next several weeks to a hard copy calendar because her PDA bit the dust. She's told another one is on the way, but not without sufficient guilt of the cost given budget cuts. Anywho, the pretend homework/work, doesn't last long as then, apparently, coloring on your sister's homework is more fun. Autumn then gets mad to which Abbie reacts and in a fit, colors on the carpet (enter little voice in Kristin's head that says...she just can't have crayons unsupervised...in Kevin's voice) during which time, Autumn and I are trying to wrestle the crayon out of Abbie's hand. Abbie has like 4 times outs; some in the time out spot (love seat), some in her room with the gate up out of desperation to help Autumn with her homework. She finally zonks out completely in bed in her room.
Autumn finishes her homework, I get the crayon cleaned up, Kevin calls, I get on the computer for a few minutes. I'm debating about this entire inservice thing. Autumn really wants to go to Friendly's and come into work with me. Abbie's sleeping I say. I go back and forth and ultimately decided to go. We rouse Abbie (barely) from sleep and head out to Friendly's. We get seated quickly and the girls for once, have decided well before the server comes what they want. The food comes reasonably quickly, but its Friendly's, with a 9 and 3 year old, who I'm dragging in to an RA inservice (I'll get to my frustration about this later!); MUST...HAVE...ICE....CREAM! right? So, I specifically say to the server when she comes to take the first plate away, that I'd like to order the ice cream now to go and have the check done immediately. 15 minutes later....
So, now we're running late, Abbie recovered for about 25 minutes in the restaurant, but began whining and squirming toward the end. Now I'm running late, AS THE AD MIND YOU, for an RA inservice, the first of the year with a over-tired, grouchy pre-schooler and an over-tired grouchy self! About a third of the way there during some whining about not being able to see ice cream and noticing that BOTH girls were covered in chocolate and whip cream and Autumn commenting to Abbie, "yup, Mom's stressed"...I felt like responding in Hannah Montana fashion..."YA, THINK?" I pull out the cell and call Bill (my Faculty Master). I tell him, I have guilt, I feel bad, I shouldn't do this, but I can't do THIS...bring too way too tired girls to an RA inservice for by the time I get there, 40 minutes, for get this A GET TO KNOW YOU GAME!!!!
Which brings up to the greater issue why I finally decide enough is enough. I mean really, the best that could be come up with is that? And I have to drive 20 minutes in, to stay an hour, do nothing, but watch people get to know each other and drive 20 minutes home. and so, guilt and all, though supported by Bill who will make my apologies and excuses, I u-turn the car around on the Vestal Parkway and go home.
I give Abbie a bath, my Dad calls. I finally talk to him for the first time in 2 months; sad I know, but true. I do this while simultaneously giving Abbie a bath, getting her out and into her pjs and getting Autumn into the shower. I eventually get both girls to bed, unload and reload the dishwasher, put away the folded laundry from LAST WEEK :) and sort the new laundry that has spontaneously reproduced, email about Girl Scouts, play on facebook, do more laundry and write this blog. And still, 4 hours after the u-turn on the Vestal Parkway, I still feel the guilt.
Am I a bad AD (no of course is the answer)? Will the RAs think I don't care and am not invested (maybe some, others will understand)? Would I hear it if "people" knew? (probably in a passive agressive way)? But in reality, I just needed to make this decision when weighing everything, including it being the first inservice, the topic (completely pointless for me being there and probably thrown together last minute) and my girls' needs (sleep, no stress, baths/showers, and just mommy), that they came first in this case.
And then I think, I sooooo want time off. And I wonder, how does my mentor, Beth, also have two kids (a bit older, but still! only by a few years for one of them), work full-time outside the home as a CHO AND is starting her doctorate. I don't know that I could do it; even 3 years from now when my oldest is her oldest's age. Nope. Maybe 6-7 years from now when I'm her age, I'll be in a different place. Maybe I'll have overcome the Superwoman Blackout Syndrome by then. Maybe I won't be on 10 additional committees on top of my job.
And maybe I won't be on the computer at midnight blogging instead of going to bed...
which makes me think...
its time to not be on the computer and go to bed.
Good night!
Sunday, September 14, 2008
When Did I Become a Soccer Mom?
Today apparently.
So, I was telling Wendy today as we entered our first Girl Scout leaders' meeting, I was completely supermom today. I literally, attended her first religion class/parents meeting, went to mass, made lunches, did nap for an hour...THANKFULLY! and then took Autumn to travel soccer try-outs, followed immediately upon getting home by putting a chicken in the oven and then rushing out the door to go to my first girl scout leader meeting in Endwell. Then I came home, ate dinner, gave Abbie a bath, read to her and put her to bed, while also encouraging Autumn to finish her homework reading. Then I tucked Autumn into bed and helped her pick out an outfit for tomorrow....very important these days ya know. It seemed crazy and I thought, how did this happen? I wonder how I'm going to schedule Girl Scout meetings as I won't know if when Autumn's soccer practices are. She has dance on Mondays, Tuesdays are out as I already have a MAJOR conflict with Kevin's new ministry courses which are also on Tuesday nights and my requirement to attend NCC. Wednesdays won't probably work for Wendy as she has a crazy day at work followed by staff meeting. This leaves Thursday and I can only hope that soccer practice then is either on Wednesday or Friday nights. What madness!
Somewhere amidst all of this, I need to find time to work out. I really, really feel so much more sluggish these days and I'm positive my slacking off of workouts is to blame. Thank goodness tomorrow in my FYE class is just their presentations because I'm not sure I can pull myself together for it. Though I do enjoy teaching class only once a week for an hour; much, MUCH more manageable if you ask me.
Now Kevin might not be going on his business trip because of some health issues that are cropping up. I'm not going to lie; I'm a bit freaked out by it, but also trying to stay low-key for his sake. I can only hope its managable; whatever it may be. These are the times when I think; really? Is this all worth it? The madness of pushing it to the extreme at work and home. Its just so different these days than when I was a kid. Activities are so much more structured. In some ways, its so refreshing to watch Abbie just play at her age; the new thing is pretending almost anything is a car she is driving; at least she makes up buckle up :) She's so free in that way.
It makes me think somtimes of how manic life can be; literally, we just go from one activity to the next; which is why finding time to work out stresses me out. I wish I could be more of an early sleeper like Kevin, then maybe I could work out in the morning. I just think, I need these days to work straight through until 5pm to get work done. By the time I get home its 5:30pm and then there's dinner to make, homework to do, baths to take and the addition of some extra-curricular activity on, by November, 3 nights. Add to that Kevin taking these courses on Tuesdays, my having to go back into the office at least 3 times extra a month, plus weekend obligations at work, and gymnastics and soon soccer on Saturdays; its like, when is family time?
I think I agree with my friend Cindy when she says balance doesn't exisit; I really don't think it does. I think you just continuously juggle and switch up your priority for the moment and somehow make it work.
Well, I'm off to chill out for 30 minutes or so, and then try to go to bed for 11pm. Yes, that's my goal; which will give me 6 hours sleep if I get up at 5:30am to work out...which may be a long shot, but we'll see. G'nite!
So, I was telling Wendy today as we entered our first Girl Scout leaders' meeting, I was completely supermom today. I literally, attended her first religion class/parents meeting, went to mass, made lunches, did nap for an hour...THANKFULLY! and then took Autumn to travel soccer try-outs, followed immediately upon getting home by putting a chicken in the oven and then rushing out the door to go to my first girl scout leader meeting in Endwell. Then I came home, ate dinner, gave Abbie a bath, read to her and put her to bed, while also encouraging Autumn to finish her homework reading. Then I tucked Autumn into bed and helped her pick out an outfit for tomorrow....very important these days ya know. It seemed crazy and I thought, how did this happen? I wonder how I'm going to schedule Girl Scout meetings as I won't know if when Autumn's soccer practices are. She has dance on Mondays, Tuesdays are out as I already have a MAJOR conflict with Kevin's new ministry courses which are also on Tuesday nights and my requirement to attend NCC. Wednesdays won't probably work for Wendy as she has a crazy day at work followed by staff meeting. This leaves Thursday and I can only hope that soccer practice then is either on Wednesday or Friday nights. What madness!
Somewhere amidst all of this, I need to find time to work out. I really, really feel so much more sluggish these days and I'm positive my slacking off of workouts is to blame. Thank goodness tomorrow in my FYE class is just their presentations because I'm not sure I can pull myself together for it. Though I do enjoy teaching class only once a week for an hour; much, MUCH more manageable if you ask me.
Now Kevin might not be going on his business trip because of some health issues that are cropping up. I'm not going to lie; I'm a bit freaked out by it, but also trying to stay low-key for his sake. I can only hope its managable; whatever it may be. These are the times when I think; really? Is this all worth it? The madness of pushing it to the extreme at work and home. Its just so different these days than when I was a kid. Activities are so much more structured. In some ways, its so refreshing to watch Abbie just play at her age; the new thing is pretending almost anything is a car she is driving; at least she makes up buckle up :) She's so free in that way.
It makes me think somtimes of how manic life can be; literally, we just go from one activity to the next; which is why finding time to work out stresses me out. I wish I could be more of an early sleeper like Kevin, then maybe I could work out in the morning. I just think, I need these days to work straight through until 5pm to get work done. By the time I get home its 5:30pm and then there's dinner to make, homework to do, baths to take and the addition of some extra-curricular activity on, by November, 3 nights. Add to that Kevin taking these courses on Tuesdays, my having to go back into the office at least 3 times extra a month, plus weekend obligations at work, and gymnastics and soon soccer on Saturdays; its like, when is family time?
I think I agree with my friend Cindy when she says balance doesn't exisit; I really don't think it does. I think you just continuously juggle and switch up your priority for the moment and somehow make it work.
Well, I'm off to chill out for 30 minutes or so, and then try to go to bed for 11pm. Yes, that's my goal; which will give me 6 hours sleep if I get up at 5:30am to work out...which may be a long shot, but we'll see. G'nite!
Monday, September 8, 2008
My First ResLife Mom Blog
So, I don't really know how to start this, other than to share what I was thinking when I created this. I blogged a bit about a year and a half ago while I was actively on Weight Watchers. It was a neat way to chronicle my journey and share with others who were along a similar journey as I. I've found my experience being a work outside the home Mom, in the field of Residential Life, to be its own very unique experience; not only as compared to other Moms working outside of the home full-time, but also as compared to my counterparts in Residential Life who are not Moms. I won't say that the experience is better or worse than any of the others, just different. I've found, that especially recently as I've advanced in the field, that I've really been seeking out more professionally advanced Moms that I can learn from, while also having more and more new professional women look to me for advice. After thinking of all of this, and being spurred to re-try blogging by my friend who is blogging about her doctoral work in Higher Education (YAY Jen!), I created this ResLifeMom blog, where I can share both my Res Life work outside the home and Mom experiences with those who are interested, while simultaneously creating a journal of sorts for myself.
One of the things I said this afternoon to a Resident Director in fact, when we were discussing "leaving your mark" on students, a department or institution, is that I have to work differently than my non-Mom colleagues to leave such a mark, especially as relates to positioning myself for advancement. I've found that I've done this by find a new, unique or creative way to "leave my mark" in my work in a department. The downside to this, I'm realizing more and more, is that when you create this unique "mark", then you often become one of the few to have that skill, area of expertise, interest, etc. and so you're asked to step up more and more in that regard; which, if you're like me, and are type A first born (not that people can't be type A and have other sibling order...oh I know them!), you do, again and again, suddenly you're overwhelmed by the amount of projects, initiatives, etc that you need to continue to excel and produce in, and this defeats the very reason you were creative in the first place...which I believe is because you often can't devote the same hours in time as some of your non-Mom colleagues so your strength becomes uniqueness.
I had this experience today in fact. Last semester, I supervised two residential colleges, while teaching First Year Experience, bidding to host the NEACUHO annual conference and leading a group to develop learning outcomes for our department. It was stressful. I felt like I was just in perpetual motion. I was very much looking foward to being able to focus on only one residential college this semester (though admittedly I miss the extra dinero $$$ :)). Somehow, my life feels almost as manic. As I sat in my one on one with my supervisor today and was a bit scattered, jumping from topic to topic in my responsibilities (another thing that's unlike me), she quietly pushed her one on one notes for me at me. Listed under the section labeled "committees" were the following:
RA Selection AD Mentor, Student Development CommitteeAD Mentor, Learning Community RD Group AD Mentor, Learning Community Review Group Chair, FYE Instructor, Parent Course Instructor, Assistant Director of Greek Life Search Committee, Division of Student Affairs Staff Development Committee, Student Health Advisory Committee, NEACUHO 2009 Annual Conference Chair...and then every so pointedly added was Girl Scout Leader...
Yes, yes, see when you have this personality, in this, as Judith Warner described it in her book: Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety, winner-take-all-parenting society, you end up functioning the same way in your Mommy life as you do your professional life; and thus, the addition of Girl Scouts, which I know she was probably thinking, though didn't push me too far by saying, simply after a two-year hiatus replaced the coaching of cheerleading that I did my first two years on the job; my first year coaching both a middle school and elementary team...because that's healthy adjusting to a new job you know...
And I said, hey, that's a personal "committee", I'm entitled to that.
She just looked at me.
Its not good when your friend has also become your supervisor...in a lot of ways.
And so after we both laughed, but at the same time, I recognized that yes, AGAIN, I had taken on too much, we went over them and did come to the conclusion that about half of them would be completed this fall and we further discussed ways I could back off further from others in the Spring to really be able to focus on the NEACUHO conference.
And then after she left, as I was thinking about merging all these timelines (oh, did I mention, I'm the Assistant Director of Residential Life for a residnetial college that my primary job is to manage and doing the staff supervision of?) it occurred to me we forgot one; you know that learnign outcome committee I spearheaded last semester while overseeing two communities? Well, you can't just implement outcomes and then go away; so we'll still be functioning, though not meeting quite as often, for the next year or two.
So, that's where I am. How did I become a case study I wonder? I really, really encourage any young boomer or gen X moms to read that Judith Warner book. It offered me no solutions, but made me realize its not just me, which my other Mom friends, whenever we get together (which is few and far between sadly enough...note our crazy lives) also confirm for me..>thank God! Like tonight, at dance practice for my oldest, I confirmed that I was not the only one whose daughter seemed to be starting emotional puberty now! When my friend indicated that her daughter who is very acadecmically focused at her age, had fits in front of the mirror about how her hair looked at 9 years old, it made me feel so much better about my own 9 year old asking me to buy her Paul Mitchell shampoo at $20 a b0ttle (which I did NOT acquiesce to!) and take her shopping at Aeropostale. So, I thank my dance class Mom friends! We need more us time.
And at that note, I've decided at almost 1am that I'm spent and while I could go on FOREVER about these issues, I really should get to bed. Can I rationalize the hour and a half I fell asleep on the futon though, while the hubby was on the computer? I think I can. Oh well, more to come soon; about my littlest first week at preschool. Stay tuned...
One of the things I said this afternoon to a Resident Director in fact, when we were discussing "leaving your mark" on students, a department or institution, is that I have to work differently than my non-Mom colleagues to leave such a mark, especially as relates to positioning myself for advancement. I've found that I've done this by find a new, unique or creative way to "leave my mark" in my work in a department. The downside to this, I'm realizing more and more, is that when you create this unique "mark", then you often become one of the few to have that skill, area of expertise, interest, etc. and so you're asked to step up more and more in that regard; which, if you're like me, and are type A first born (not that people can't be type A and have other sibling order...oh I know them!), you do, again and again, suddenly you're overwhelmed by the amount of projects, initiatives, etc that you need to continue to excel and produce in, and this defeats the very reason you were creative in the first place...which I believe is because you often can't devote the same hours in time as some of your non-Mom colleagues so your strength becomes uniqueness.
I had this experience today in fact. Last semester, I supervised two residential colleges, while teaching First Year Experience, bidding to host the NEACUHO annual conference and leading a group to develop learning outcomes for our department. It was stressful. I felt like I was just in perpetual motion. I was very much looking foward to being able to focus on only one residential college this semester (though admittedly I miss the extra dinero $$$ :)). Somehow, my life feels almost as manic. As I sat in my one on one with my supervisor today and was a bit scattered, jumping from topic to topic in my responsibilities (another thing that's unlike me), she quietly pushed her one on one notes for me at me. Listed under the section labeled "committees" were the following:
RA Selection AD Mentor, Student Development CommitteeAD Mentor, Learning Community RD Group AD Mentor, Learning Community Review Group Chair, FYE Instructor, Parent Course Instructor, Assistant Director of Greek Life Search Committee, Division of Student Affairs Staff Development Committee, Student Health Advisory Committee, NEACUHO 2009 Annual Conference Chair...and then every so pointedly added was Girl Scout Leader...
Yes, yes, see when you have this personality, in this, as Judith Warner described it in her book: Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety, winner-take-all-parenting society, you end up functioning the same way in your Mommy life as you do your professional life; and thus, the addition of Girl Scouts, which I know she was probably thinking, though didn't push me too far by saying, simply after a two-year hiatus replaced the coaching of cheerleading that I did my first two years on the job; my first year coaching both a middle school and elementary team...because that's healthy adjusting to a new job you know...
And I said, hey, that's a personal "committee", I'm entitled to that.
She just looked at me.
Its not good when your friend has also become your supervisor...in a lot of ways.
And so after we both laughed, but at the same time, I recognized that yes, AGAIN, I had taken on too much, we went over them and did come to the conclusion that about half of them would be completed this fall and we further discussed ways I could back off further from others in the Spring to really be able to focus on the NEACUHO conference.
And then after she left, as I was thinking about merging all these timelines (oh, did I mention, I'm the Assistant Director of Residential Life for a residnetial college that my primary job is to manage and doing the staff supervision of?) it occurred to me we forgot one; you know that learnign outcome committee I spearheaded last semester while overseeing two communities? Well, you can't just implement outcomes and then go away; so we'll still be functioning, though not meeting quite as often, for the next year or two.
So, that's where I am. How did I become a case study I wonder? I really, really encourage any young boomer or gen X moms to read that Judith Warner book. It offered me no solutions, but made me realize its not just me, which my other Mom friends, whenever we get together (which is few and far between sadly enough...note our crazy lives) also confirm for me..>thank God! Like tonight, at dance practice for my oldest, I confirmed that I was not the only one whose daughter seemed to be starting emotional puberty now! When my friend indicated that her daughter who is very acadecmically focused at her age, had fits in front of the mirror about how her hair looked at 9 years old, it made me feel so much better about my own 9 year old asking me to buy her Paul Mitchell shampoo at $20 a b0ttle (which I did NOT acquiesce to!) and take her shopping at Aeropostale. So, I thank my dance class Mom friends! We need more us time.
And at that note, I've decided at almost 1am that I'm spent and while I could go on FOREVER about these issues, I really should get to bed. Can I rationalize the hour and a half I fell asleep on the futon though, while the hubby was on the computer? I think I can. Oh well, more to come soon; about my littlest first week at preschool. Stay tuned...
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