Privilege Ponderings

So, I've been thinking quite a bit about privilege lately; my privilege, my childrens' privilege and the like. I think what started my more recent pondering is being a Girl Scout leader. Its interesting to realize that your view of privilege, both yours and others, can continue to morph based on your varied experiences. For those of you who haven't really thought about privilege and are wondering WTH I'm talking about, here's the basic concept: when a person that identifies with any particular majority group (race: white, religion: Christian, gender: male, class: upper, sexual orientation: hetero, etc.), one is often born and raised in a society in which they naturally are provided with advantages over their minority group identified peers. What's interesting about considering your privilege is that as you start to learn about it, it shows itself in ways you never even thought about.

Here is the background, or where I'm coming from. I grew up in a predominantly white, christian, upper-middle to upper class suburban town in Massachusetts. My dad completed some college courses as a later age, but never received his degree. My Mom went to nursing school, but dropped out to marry my dad. I guess, while I lived in a more wealthy town, I didn't consider myself wealthy. I didn't get to go on school trips that cost money, I didn't have crazy name brand clothes until later high school and I didn't have my own car. I worked part-time at a grocery store about 10 hours a week and I was active in extra-curriculars. My parents separated between my freshman and sophomore years of high school and my dad "left" (moved away to Maryland) in February of my senior year of high school. There were times my parents struggled, times my dad was doing well, but then suddenly, my dad went bankrupt and I was being raised along with a brother and with my elderly grandmother living with us, by a single mom who worked in a doctor's office (and not as a doctor!). Though we struggled at times, I was afforded the opportunity to attend college. Here's where my privilege comes in; regardless of the fact that my parents struggled, and I was raised by a single mom in high school, I still had the PRIVILEGE of being raised in a white, suburban, wealthy town where high taxes were paid and education was a priority. This means, that naturally, I was educated in a elementary and secondary system that afforded me opportunities; courses taken, choice of courses, teachers and just the ENVIRONMENT I was in, that promoted further education. The funny thing is, as I look back on it now as a higher education administrator AND as a parent, I didn't think twice about it; going to college, I mean. Though my mom struggled, I just assumed I would go to college. Isn't that what everyone was doing? I'd later find out not really; I have plenty of high school classmates who didn't go to college and are doing just lovely thanks :) but more of that is probably based on their privilege regardless of what they chose post-secondary education. However, I digress.

So, I've continued along, EVEN, and I hate to admit this, as a college administrator thinking that attending college has become a "right of passage" for the general American teenager. Again, this is because of my experiences as I went on. So, I attended a preominantly white PRIVATE Catholic (read Christian) college. Again, somehow through student loans, federal loans and grants, 2 years as a RA (which took care of my housing costs) and a modest contribution from my parents (which I am completely appreciative of!), about 1/6 of the cost of my education, I managed to graduate with a degree in Biology and Spanish from a college experience totalling about $60,000. Through my experience as an RA, I learned the value of a true education; that outside of the classroom and as such, decided I wanted to provide this for others. I decided to enter Student Affairs in higher education. So, given a not-so-great economy in the early 90s, and an interest in a field for which there is not undergraduate curriculum preparation, I applied and was accepted into graduate school; again, at a private, preominantly white, predominantly Christian college. Again, I paid for it (and still am!) through student loans ($25K to be exact) and a graduate RD position which provided me with an apartment, a meal plan and a small stiped to live on. From there I went on to my first professional position in higher education at another PRIVATE, but this time in New York, college, that was also a Catholic founded college. From there, I worked at a state college, which allowed me the first experience of working at an institution where primarily working class families sent their children and the impact that such a culture had on the campus environment; especially the concept of "suitcase campus". I then went back to a private college as an Area Coordinator and most recently, find myself back out in New York at a public University. Now, this university is diverse, but there are still a number of wealthy students to attend.

Phew; okay, so enter the other side of my life; that of wife and Mom. I grew up and spend most of my adult life so far, in New England; which is, as much as I absolutely love it, very upper-class and keeping up with the Jones' environment. When I moved out here to New York,
the area I moved to is a very low-cost of living area. For what I would have paid in Massachusetts had we stayed (and been completely HOUSE POOR!) I could live very well-to-do here, but I don't. Kevin and I bought an average home in a small "village". However, here's the thing; there is this weird distinct class line in our village. Usually you live in either an overall well-to-do suburb or area of the city, with a small, lower income area, or the opposite, you live in a less privileged area in a city or rural area with a small, upper income residential base. Not here. There's just this weird, not equal, but more equal than usual divide. So now I have a child in this school system in the 4th grade. My co-leader in Girl Scouts, who is not a mom yet, came with me to my daughter's intermediate school open house (4th-6th grades) to do GS sign ups. She staffed the sign up table while I met with my daughter's teacher and the other parents. At the end she said to me that it was this bizzarre distinct class divide that she noticed, just sitting there, that played out in the parents as well. This clearly carries over into our Girl Scout troop.

So, here we are in Girl Scouts, and with everything from how their parents respond to us, to concerns expressed in private about finances, to the girls' own sharing, the privilege I've come to now recognize my own daughter has (and maybe some of the others) is really apparent. I think about this especially because Girl Scouts is changing their program. Starting this year, they have begun to focus less on the 3 Cs :) Camping, Crafts and Cookies, and more on leadership development for girls and young women, even starting at a younger age. So, naturally privilege comes out when you talk about leadership, and power and opportunity. I don't know that the other girls, even though they're white, have the privilege of already thinking about college because they are in different circumstances where their parents aren't educated, are struggling financially, etc. and don't necessarily have the money for the enrichment that my child does. For example; health insurance. As a state employee, I have a good health insurance plan. Sure its expensive, BUT it does provide lots of coverage, pretty good flexibility and I have the salary in a dual professional career family to afford it. So, when my daughter started struggling in school in third grade, I was able to get the assessments needed AND more easily afford to pay for, once I decided to, put my daughter on medicine to help her with her attention issues. EVEN, with good insurance, this particular medicine, would have cost us close to $600 a year to provide her. So, I have the privilege to provide my daughter with the resources to help her succeed further. Its clear that some of our other scouts, also struggle with learning, behavioral and such issues, who DON'T have the privilege of of these resources. The fact that my daughter has a white, Christian, mother who was herself raised in a upper middle-upper class subrurb where further education was encouraged, provide her with a privilege to have that same scenario, repeated for her, and hence, the privilege grows. She's already at age 9, talking about study abroad in college, and perhaps even high school. Some of the girls that are in her classes and in this troop with her, may very well not even be able to remotely consider the same opportunities even in high school as her. Studying abroad will probably not enter their minds, if college even does. BAM! There goes my thought process of college isn't for everyone and people need to realize that BEFORE they come to college. So, when I talk to them about using their power and for them to seize opportunities, this needs to always be in my mind. What then does my role become beyond being a mom and a troop leader, to help these girls find way to work through their lack of privilege, or even recognize the ways they're more privileged that other girls (all the girls in my troop are white and Christian for example, both of which provide them privileges their black or muslim peers in the same class as them don't have) and still achieve within that.

This is a scary prospect! I read a couple of years ago, for professional devleopment a book called, "White Like Me: Reflections on Race from a Privileged Son". I remember after reading it my eyes being opened dramatically to privilege I hadn't even considered as a white woman (much that I"ve referred to above), but also feeling frustrated at the importance of acting on privilege discrepancies, while recognizing the time and mass effort it will take to make this difference; even this day in age. While he wasn't my candidate, the fact that President Obama is our first black President is a good step. The work to be done is far-reaching still though, even in our own indidvidual ripples! Its given me something to think about as I move forward with this troop of girls.

Let Go and Let God

Okay, so I've seen this bumper sticker hundreds of times and I've always wondered; what the heck is that about? I'm a Christian and still, I did not know what that phrase meant. I mean, sure, I could guess; let God handle it. Well, in my head over the past couple weeks, I've found myself mulling over this saying, though I still have only speculated what that meant. The situation is that work has become so crazy, that I've taken to praying about it; a lot! I've told my friends that I work with that I'm really trying; seriously...every day I think to myself; I'm going to let this go; I'm going to move past this (this being the "crazy" at work) and then BAM! every day something even more insane happens and I'm backing to being confused, frustrated, disillusioned, etc. etc. Its to the point that I've wished recently for LESS work ethic; yes, I said less. I said to my Mom today; why can't I just consider this a job; a series of tasks that need to be completed. Why do I care so much about it? I guess because its my career, but still...that doesn't seem a good enough answer to why I continue to set myself up in this way.

So today hit a new level of insanity. I and my colleagues got scolded and reprimanded by our department leadership; for, in essence, taking initiative. Literally, it was the first time in the six years I've worked here that I saw this person visibly angry; they raised their voice at us, were shaking and made a few generalizations. I felt angry, and I realized, sad and drained; literally exhausted emotionally; over WORK!~ I read my friend Jen's most recent blog and I think; see? there is so much pain and heartbreak in our humanity, so many crosses we need to bear in our personal lives; the lives that really matter and I'm letting myself get worked up and exhausted over this?! I drafted an email today, but didn't send it, to this person who is our leader. I put in it that as a team, we are suffering (each for our own reason) severe morale issues and that we've changed as individuals. I know I've changed. What kills me is that a past colleague as he was leaving a Res Life position with a few weeks notice said to me, "I don't like who I've become here" and I swore then I wouldn't ever let myself get to that point; I'd leave first. Enter the economy and a more established family that is rooted. I can't leave; even though I'm there; I don't like who I've become at work over the past six months. So, that brings me back to my blog title; I can't leave and I don't like who I've become; I WON'T let this happen...

Enter the phrase again: "Let Go Let God". I googled it tonight. As I thought; the phrase is derived from the concept, of not trying to control everything and letting God handle it; easier said than done, but I wonder...if this phrase keeps popping into my head; even if I think its a bit dorky, is there not a point here? When I googled it, I also found the Serenity Prayer listed. Most of us know it, but I certainly don't keep it in my forefront.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

serenity; peace? release from anxiety? to accept the things I cannot change.

Which then brings me to the popular phrase of we can't control the situations that happen to us, but we can control our attitude about them and how we react.

and I realize, I'm letting this craziness that is occurring at work affect my health (I lost 35 pounds a year and a half ago and have gained it all back; I'm on Weight Watchers again), my family, my friends and on and on and on. And completely for something I can't control; other people's perceptions, own insecurities and leadership style.

I can't have a crappy work ethic. I can't not care. I can't control everything, but I can TRY to let it go.

Let Go and Let God...